


Open All Night

by gneebee



Category: Merle Dixon - Fandom, The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV), beth greene - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Good Person Merle Dixon, Merle Dixon Being an Asshole, Merle Dixon Smut, Protective Merle Dixon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-10-25 21:43:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17733212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gneebee/pseuds/gneebee
Summary: There was a time, and it wasn't that long ago, when Merle Dixon's life was better than he ever could have dreamed it would be. Then like the fool he was he'd thrown it all away. Now the parole board had voted to release him, but there was no one left who cared. Merle Dixon / Beth Greene. Drama, Romance AU





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for stopping in to check out my new Merle Dixon / Beth Greene story. I hope you enjoy.

**Warning: It eludes to assault (not by Merle)**

00

He was laying on the thin hard mattress of the upper bunk in a cramped prison cell. His last night of incarceration. He'd served three years of his five year sentence and they were cutting him loose, good behavior. The phrase made him smile, never in his life had anyone anywhere accused him of good behavior. But he'd been doing it.

Not to prove to anyone else he could change his dumb ass ways. There was no one left who wanted to hear that bullshit. He'd been determined to prove it to himself. It was just too damn bad he didn't make up his mind to get his shit together before it was too late. Before he'd lost everyone and everything worth caring about.

When the parole board voted to release him his first impulse was to make a collect call to his brother Daryl. But he couldn't, he wouldn't. What was he going to say? "Hey man your piss poor excuse of a big brother needs help. I need a set a clothes and I need a ride, and I need a place ta stay, and a job, and I need someone ta tell me I can keep my shit together and get my life back." Just like the needy stupid bastard he was.

He didn't call his brother. Instead he planned to walk the three blocks to the Greyhound station dressed in the prison issue clothes they gave cons to wear "home."

He had the only plan a guy in his situation could have. He'd catch the first grey dog down to Smithton and he'd pray to God they'd hire him at the place his parole officer directed him to, "Details Car Wash." Yep, just like every parolee in the state probably did, he was going to work wiping down the cars of folks who hadn't screwed the pooch. Folks who didn't keep their heads parked firmly up their asses.

He also had the name of some fleabag joint where his P.O. said he could rent a room real cheap. Without even seeing it he knew just the kind of place it would be, the kind where you pay by the week. The kind that was just a room with a lumpy bed, a chair and sink. Shared bathroom down the hall. Its own kind of prison. He had enough for one week's rent and then he was on his own.

As much as he wanted to see his little brother there was no way he'd show up at his door. He wouldn't do that to the kid. He knew how it would go. Daryl would be pissed at him, he'd raise hell and tell him the things that happened to him were his own fucking fault. But his little brother was the sweet one and Merle knew Daryl would let him crash with him. He'd probably let him come back to work, pick right up where he left off. He'd feed him and help him out and it would all be cool, no worries.

No, he wouldn't do that to the kid. This was his mess and he wasn't going to burden Daryl with cleaning it up, not this time.

He had to do this on his own, he had to prove to his little brother he wasn't the asshole Daryl probably thought he was. There was no denying he used to be but he'd like to think he could and that he did change. If he could just get his goddamn feet on the ground, if he could keep from fucking up, if he could stay off the drugs, if he could stay on the straight and narrow. If, if, if it all went that way, then he'd go see his brother.

One place he knew he wouldn't go, one place he knew for sure he'd get the slamming of the door was Beth's place. Shit, how could he expect anything but that? She'd been everything to him, she'd meant everything to him and he'd done everything a man can do to fuck the whole thing up. The way he'd treated her was unforgivable, he knew that. She bore none of the blame. He was damn proud of her for packing her bag, walking out that door and never looking back at the dumbest motherfucker that ever drew a breath.

It hadn't always been that way. There was a time, and it wasn't that long ago, when Merle Dixon's life was better than he ever could have dreamed it would be. Then like the fool he was he'd thrown it all away.

Early the next morning the guard came for him. He handed Merle a small paper bag, a bus ticket and a stipend to get him by for a few days, said, "Good luck man," and in just moments Merle Dixon would walk through the prison gate. As soon as he heard the gate close behind him he'd be a free man.

Except he wouldn't really be free. He'd never be free from his memories of all that he'd once had and all that he'd lost. For what must have been the thousandth time since Beth walked out on him he said out loud, "Ya got no one ta blame but yourself, ya screwed everythin' up all on yer own ya dumb motherfucker."

He was determined though, this was the day, the day he started his new life. Everything he owned he was either wearing on his back or carrying in a small paper bag, a toothbrush, toothpaste and a shave kit.

**Six Year's Earlier**

She lived in the small apartment above the restaurant, an apartment that was very difficult for the owner to rent out. It was the smell that turned potential renters away. It always had the aroma of fried foods and at times that could get a little overwhelming. No number of open windows and no amount of scented candles were ever going to be able to completely mask the smell of cooking grease.

She didn't care about the smell because as far as she was concerned it was the best apartment in the world. She never had to be alone there, not with the diner right downstairs and open all night. Seven days a week, 365 days a year.

That morning, just like she did every morning at 2:00am, she walked into the all-night diner. She sat herself down at the counter and in a low voice greeted the waitress, "Hi Jacqui."

"Hey Beth what can I get you tonight?"

"Oh let's see, how about an apple juice?" She always ordered juice. The last thing she needed was caffeine.

"Coming right up." She knew the waitress felt sorry for her but thank goodness she never acted like it. Beth appreciated that. It wasn't pity she was after, she was after a good night's sleep. She'd given up hope she'd ever get one.

She glanced down to the end of the counter and there he was, just like he was every morning when she walked in. He had his usual cup of coffee in front of him, the one she knew he'd never drink, and a tall glass of water that he did drink, and an order of toast he never ate.

She'd sensed quite a while back he was only there for her. Why? She had no real idea but it didn't matter.

He must have felt her eyes on him, he turned and lifted his chin a little in an unspoken "hello" and she did the same back to him. Just like they did every morning at 2:00 am.

She had no idea who he was but at that hour he was often the only other customer in the diner besides her. She took comfort in the fact that he was there. Maybe the comfort came from knowing she wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep.

When she'd first seen him she thought he was a little scary. He was a big imposing guy and he looked so tough and muscular. He was older but not _old_ really, but definitely quite a bit older than her. Probably 10 to 12 years older. He had a nice head of curly hair and piercing blue eyes and although his face was lined it was not what a person would call wrinkled. It was more like what her Mama used to call "life's lines." Mama said they came on a person just from living life every day and trying to get by in this world.

She'd heard him speak to Jacqui a few times and she thought his voice sounded rough and weathered. Yet she'd come to believe he was no threat to her. The fact was she felt good about having him there. He made the little diner seem like a safer place. And yes there was the other, the fact that she was certain he came there for her. It felt almost like he was watching over for her.

After about a month or so of seeing him every morning she decided he was really quite handsome, and yes, quite sexy in a rough-edged all-man way. Not that she was at all interested in that sort of thing. She was afraid of men with all their power and strength.

Besides, he'd never even spoken to her. Why would he? A man like him could have any woman he wanted.

00

The trouble had begun the first time she moved from her parents' home. She was long passed the age when she should have made such a move, but she'd put it off. Then she started to feel like such a coward. It was just that life on the farm was the life she knew. Lots of family and neighbors around all the time, and always a lot of work to be done. Finally, at 20 she made herself do it, just to prove she could. She got a little apartment and a part time job and she was taking two courses at the community college.

Three months after she moved the unthinkable happened. The man who climbed in her bedroom window at 2 a.m., this was all his fault.

After the "incident" she sought counseling and she really felt that, all things considered, she'd learned to deal with the issues quite well. Except for two things. Okay three things. She was still hiding out at her parents' home, she wouldn't date, and her trauma had resulted in a weird kind of insomnia. She'd fall asleep but it was staying asleep that was the problem.

She moved back home for a while after the "incident" and the truth was she hadn't wanted to ever leave home again. It was the only place where she felt safe and protected. But she knew she had to. She had to prove to herself she had survived the trauma of what happened to her, and that her life should, could and would go on. She wanted her independence back, or at least a part of it. Her therapist told her she needed this move, she needed to know she could live alone and care for herself.

At 22 she was an adult and if not now then when exactly would she finally try it again, being on her own? She needed to make a life for herself. Of course Mama and Daddy would have let her live with them forever, but she knew that wasn't really what they wanted for her. It wasn't what she wanted either.

The apartment above the diner was the perfect solution. It had just what she needed. A place right downstairs that she could escape to when her fear suddenly woke her and she just couldn't take being alone. Not that she chatted with Jacqui or with Jacqui's husband, the fry cook Jim, or with the man at the end of the counter. It was just the idea of knowing they were all there.

Her poor Daddy, she knew he carried the burden of guilt over what had happened, even though none of it was his fault. She tried and tried to tell him that, but she knew his guilt was always right there below the surface, just like her fear.

She felt so bad for him and for her mother, they'd been the best parents ever. She just had to able to do this, to make this work and prove to them she was okay. She needed to do this for herself and for them.

So she'd moved back to town and into the apartment above the all-night diner and mostly her life was okay. She was taking a course in bookkeeping and one in business machines every morning at the small community college. She'd come home at lunch and have a bowl of soup and lay down for a half hour nap, then go to her job at the Vets office until five. She came right home from work and did her studies.

She'd try to tire herself by walking everywhere; she stayed away from all computer screens and her phone after seven. She never touched caffeinated drinks or watched the news or any scary movies. She'd eat comfort foods for dinner and have them early so she wouldn't go to bed with her stomach too full.

Before bed she'd soak in a nice relaxing bubble bath listening to soft classical music. She kept her room nice and cool with the small window A/C unit, and she had a white noise machine Maggie had given her for Christmas.

Falling asleep wasn't the problem. She'd nod right out. But it never failed that every morning just before two she'd wake up full of fear and anxiety. She just had to get out, get away and be near people. People who didn't want to hurt her. She'd throw on a pair of yoga pants, a sweatshirt and her sneakers and hurry down to the diner.

00

He had no business being out every damn morning at two fucking a.m. But he was. Even though he had a business to run and he should be home in bed, he had to be there for her.

In the past he'd always been that tough guy, the guy who fixes whatever needs fixing with the tools at hand. A hammer, his fists, a knife or a gun, whatever it took. But he didn't live his life like that anymore; he'd gotten his shit together.

He'd made a couple of false starts at getting clean, but he now had five years sobriety under his belt. His life was good.

He owned a busy machine shop with his brother Daryl and they made a fair living at it. They both had a comfortable life. He had a cozy house with a real nice yard, a pickup truck that only had three years on it and his motorcycle. Everything a man could ever want. Except the pretty blonde at the end of the counter. As time had passed he'd become real sure he needed her in his life. Beth, he'd heard Jacqui say her name and he'd decided it was the prettiest name he'd ever heard.

The first time he'd seen her he knew, just like he knew his name, there was a problem. He could tell by looking at her every time she walked in. She was always so pale and with a frightened look about her, like she'd just seen the scariest thing a person could see. He didn't know why he felt like she needed him to fix whatever it was, or why he thought maybe he could.

At first he'd questioned himself about just why that was but in his heart he knew. There was something about her that pulled him in. Sure it was physical desire, there was no point in denying that. But there was something else, something that said to him she needed him. The feeling was so powerful in him and the damndest thing about it was in some inexplicable way, he felt like he needed her too. He wanted everything she had and he wanted to give her everything he had, he just wasn't sure how to make that come about.

Back when he was drinking and drugging he'd have just walked right up to her and told her that, undoubtedly in some way she'd find offensive. But now that he was sober he hadn't even had the balls to just talk to her. He wasn't sure he even knew how to approach a woman like her.

It was a Wednesday night like any other the first time he'd seen her. He'd gone to an NA meeting at 9:00 over in the back room of the American Legion. There was a newcomer there, a kid of about 19 who'd gotten strung out on the crystal. Merle could relate to that. He didn't think the boy was even fully detoxed yet, so after the meeting he'd walked him around for a long while. He'd talked to him and tried to be a good support, he knew these first few days were crucial. Finally the kid had called his Mom and gone home to her. It was a start.

By then it was 1:30 in the morning and he felt too keyed for sleep. The all-night diner was just a block down the street so he thought he'd have a cup of decaf, unwind and hopefully start to feel tired. The waitress had just set the cup down in front of him when the young blonde woman came walking in.

Even looking a little disheveled, wearing some kind of exercise clothes with her hair all crazy curly and not a spec of makeup on her, she still looked just right to him.

He knew he wasn't going anywhere as long as she was there so he hung around drinking decaf that tasted like it'd been sitting in the pot all day. When she left an hour or so later he'd casually remarked to the waitress, "Now why would that young woman be out all alone this time a night? It don't seem safe."

As she reached for the pot and poured him more of the nasty brew she shrugged, "She just lives in the apartment upstairs. She comes in every morning about the same time and has a glass of juice and stays awhile, it seems to calm her down some and then she goes home."

That's all he needed to know to make him show back up the next night and every night after that.

He started catching the early meetings right after work and going to bed real early at night. He'd have his alarm set for 1:15, get up and hurriedly dress so he could be at the diner when she walked in. He knew it was crazy behavior and totally obsessive, but then obsessive was his middle name. He may not be doing drugs anymore, he was clean and sober, but that didn't mean everything about him had changed. He still had those doper's traits.

It was early Valentine's morning, about 2:15 am when he suddenly took a notion, why the fuck not? What had he been waiting for? Yeah what? Shit, without a snoot full of crystal and a belly full of Jack he'd lost his balls? Nah, it wasn't going to be like that anymore. He signaled for the waitress, "Yeah Jacqui could ya get the little gal down at the end a the counter there a piece a that cherry pie? Tell her Merle here said Happy Valentine's Day."

Jacqui smiled and did just like he asked. He watched the blonde woman smile when the waitress set the pie in front of her, and when she'd heard where it came from she looked over at him. She gave him a kind of wide-eyed look that lasted just a moment before she suddenly turned away.

He'd had enough, it was now or never. He stood and walked over to her trying to look as sweet and calm as a man like Merle Dixon is capable of looking. "I hope I didn't upset ya miss. I's just tryin' ta be friendly an all. I wanted ta wish a pretty woman a Happy Valentine's Day."

Her voice trembled and it was so low he could barely make out the words as she told him, "Thank you it's very nice."

"Listen now Miss I ain't a bad fella or nuthin', honest. I didn't mean ta scare ya. I's just tryin' ta be nice is all. I worry about ya. I come in here every night just ta check on ya, make sure you're okay."

That was when she looked him right in the eyes and simply stated, "That's what I thought. Thank you."

That kind of floored the big man, "Yeah? Lemme tell ya girl yer killin' me. I go home from here every mornin' hopin' ta catch a couple hours sleep before I gotta work, cuz I'm up till all hours just ta make sure you're okay."

He couldn't have been more surprised when tears started rolling down her cheeks and in that soft voice she said, "Beth, my name is Beth and I'm so sorry."

"Ah no now Darlin' ya don't be sorry, not ever. I'm here cuz here with you is where I wanna be. Eat your pie now Beth an then I'll walk ya home. I'm Merle, Merle Dixon."

She slid the plate over a few inches, "Only if you share with me."

"Nah I bought it for you, sweets are for the sweet, especially on Valentine's Day. Ya eat, I'll get the check."

She'd expected to take just a bite to appease him but she surprised herself and ate the whole slice. "Thank you Merle it was delicious."

He smiled, "Ya ready?" She nodded and lead the way.

00


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the very nice response :) Shall we see how things are going for our couple?

00

They'd no sooner gotten inside the small apartment than she did something that surprised him even more than she had earlier. She turned to him and wrapped her arms around his waist resting her head on his chest as she began to softly cry. He may not have even noticed her tears if he hadn't felt her small body shaking slightly and heard her quiet sniffles.

This was miles from anything he was used to and he had no idea how to react. He was trying to decide just what he was supposed to do or say when, in a voice that nearly broke his heart she told him, "I'm so tired of being tired." It was a line straight out of an NA meeting.

His mind was working overtime stirring up all those familiar thoughts and ways, his _old_ thoughts and ways. He knew she was especially vulnerable in that moment. He knew if he played it right he could say a few of those loving words of comfort to the pretty blonde, throw in a little smooth and tender action, and he could have her. Right here tonight. But that would only be a temporary kind of satisfaction. For some reason he knew that, unlike any woman he'd known before, with Beth Greene he wanted something more than just temporary satisfaction.

So he denied his instinct to only think of getting what he wanted in the moment. Instead he'd try his damndest to be patient and wait for the _right_ moment. He lightly rubbed her back in a soothing rather than a sexual way and he acted the gentleman when he said, "Hey now sweet Darlin', Merle's here. Everythin' is gonna be just fine now. C'mon ya get yourself ta bed. I'll wait out here while ya fall asleep."

He was astounded by what she did next. If he didn't know better he'd swear she was baiting him. But he wasn't going to give in, he wasn't going to do anything that he knew he shouldn't. He wouldn't take advantage of her. But how could she possibly know that? Yet it happened, she took his hand and said, "Alright it's this way."

Her room was real sweet and pretty and like something from the 1950's. There was an old diamond patterned quilt on her bed and big white fluffy looking pillows, and he hoped someday to have the opportunity to lay in that bed with her.

The furniture was light colored, something they used to call blonde furniture. The AC unit in the window was humming and there was white noise too. Next to the bed was a small overstuffed chair covered in an old fashion chintz fabric. It was all so sweet, nothing like anything he was accustom to.

He could tell by her voice she was a bundle of nerves when she suggested, "Maybe you could sit in the chair if that's okay Merle, but you don't have to. I don't want to be bossy." He wanted to laugh, he wanted to take her in his arms, he wanted to take her. Instead he simply smiled and told her, "That's just perfect Darlin' I'll sit right there and wait for ya ta fall asleep, k?" It was far from perfect but at least he was with her. After all these months of watching her and obsessing over her he was finally spending his time with the pretty blonde from upstairs. It would do for now.

"Thank you for being so kind to me Merle."

That damn near did it. No one had ever said anything like that to him. Still he didn't do what he wanted, even though he wanted to so badly it hurt him. He held out, he'd checked himself and his impulses at the door and instead of taking advantage and taking her, he took her in his arms again. He pulled her close and he kissed those crazy blonde curls. "It's my pleasure Darlin'." And it truly was.

She curled up in bed as he watched her with a smile on his face and a longing so powerful it could not be ignored. She was a pleasure to look at and he never moved his eyes from her as she drifted off. And then he drifted off.

* * *

As she lay in her bed with eyes closed and anxious for sleep, she could feel the man from the end of the counter watching her. A man she didn't even know. That should have had her nearly paralyzed by anxiety, but instead she felt at peace.

Still she questioned herself, what in the world had compelled her to allow this man in her apartment? She was scared to death of men and here was this big man who looked like he could kill her with his bare hands, and yet she'd made herself completely vulnerable to him. What was most baffling to her was that she did not feel afraid. Quite the opposite, she finally felt that maybe everything was going to be okay.

It was simply inexplicable really, since the incident she hadn't been able to trust anyone outside her immediate family. Yet for some reason that she didn't understand she'd placed her life in the hands of this stranger. She'd trusted the rough-looking man, finding she felt safe in his company and certain he would protect her. She fell asleep thinking how crazy and yet how wonderful it all was.

Her alarm woke them at 6:30 and he couldn't help but smile at the sight of her. He'd only thought her hair was crazy before. Morning took that crazy to a whole new level. Her blonde hair was a huge mass of untamed curls and he was more charmed than ever. She was everything he'd never had, like no one he'd ever known or ever cared to know, and his truth was he never wanted a woman more than he wanted this small blonde woman.

The wildly tangled bedhead, the sleepy blue eyes and the shy smile. He took them all in and he knew. He was hopeless, helpless and powerless. Then she put the icing on the cake when she sleepily told him, "Just knowing you were here Merle, I slept so good. Thank you."

* * *

She'd opened her eyes and for just an instant she'd been startled. She'd forgotten the big man was asleep in her bedside chair. She wasn't startled for long though, she was delighted. Even in the morning light with his curly hair looking a mess and his clothes wrinkled from spending the night sleeping in a chair, he looked perfect to her. Big, handsome and with the broadest smile she'd ever seen. She was surprised by the depth of feeling just the sight of him seemed to awaken in her.

She couldn't understand why she was behaving this way with him. It was so unlike her. All men made her nervous and on any given day running into a man that looked like him, a man like him even speaking to her? That would have sent her hurrying home to hide. But she hadn't hidden from this man, she'd invited him in.

There was just something about Merle Dixon that made her feel both safe and calm. And there was that something else and the realization stunned her. She was physically attracted to him. She was excited by the look of him and the thought of him holding her. She'd felt his firm and muscled body and she couldn't deny she'd like to feel that body close to her again, she'd like to feel his touch.

She tried to clear her mind of these kinds of thoughts. She didn't even know this man. He was just being kind. He probably pitied her the way a person pities a wounded animal. But she hoped maybe it was a bit more than that.

* * *

There wasn't any part of him that didn't feel cramped up and aching from spending the night sleeping in the small chair. Any other time or situation and he would have been completely out of sorts, cussing and grumbling and impossible to appease. But not when it came to her. With her he smiled a smile that spread from ear to ear and he told her, "It was my pleasure Darlin' I'm happy ya got your rest. I'll just step outta the room while ya get ready for the day. If ya like I can take ya downstairs ta the diner for breakfast or if ya got fixins I could cook for ya right here."

She was young and full of energy and she jumped right up out of the bed smiling at him as she said, "I'd love to have breakfast with you here Merle. I have eggs, bread and grits."

Over breakfast they shared their stories, or at least a small part of their stories. She told him about moving out of her parent's home and the fear, anxiety and insomnia that followed. She didn't tell him why but that didn't mean he didn't suspect. He could read people, he'd sat in so many meetings and heard so many stories he was sure there was a lot more to her story that she wasn't giving up just yet. He wasn't going to press it though, not this day.

He told her a little something about his rough past and how long he'd been working hard at trying to be a better man. "That's so wonderful and brave Merle."

"I don't know about brave Darlin'. It got ta that point of me either gettin' my shit together or dyin'. I guess I chose life." He smiled so as not to appear sullen, "And look at you Darlin', ain't you the brave one? You was scared but ya took that big step anyway and ya got your own place, an as bad as it's been an as little sleep as ya been gettin' ya didn't rush home, did ya now? For a tiny little thing I'd say you're pretty damn tough."

She took his hand and squeezed it, "You're such a nice man Merle."

He smiled as he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, "Thanks for sayin' so Darlin' but I doubt there's many folks around who'd agree with ya."

"I don't care what anyone else thinks, I already know you. If not for you being there sitting at that counter every night, I might have moved back home a long time ago." She was killing him in a hurry and without even trying.

After breakfast they made their way down the stairs, and he got himself a large coffee to go at the diner before driving her to school. As he pulled up to the curb she leaned over and kissed his cheek, "Will you come back for dinner tonight Merle? Please."

He never thought of himself as that guy, shit he never had been that guy. The guy that makes plans with a woman and sees her for supper or a movie. He'd never been the kind to be seeing a woman at all, unless it was for some friendly sack time. This change in his way shook him somehow and it almost caused him to back off from her, tell her he couldn't. It'd be simple, he'd just never go back in that crappy little diner. But damn if he didn't realize that this with her, this normalcy of making plans to get together and eat and talk, it was what he wanted, and maybe even more than that it was what he needed. At least it was what he wanted and needed with her.

He wanted to really get to know her in all the ways people who aren't afraid of intimacy know each other. He didn't know exactly what it meant, he hadn't had a chance to think it all through quite yet. All he knew was he wanted to have some kind of something with her. So even though he wasn't sure what that might be or how people really did this stuff he was going to try. Because he knew what he didn't want. He didn't want just a quick roll in the hay. Not with her.

So he answered with a smile, "Uh yeah sure Darlin'. It's gonna be about seven or so before I can get by, is that too late?" He wanted to catch a late afternoon meeting, then shower and shave.

"No it's not too late, that would be perfect. I'll have time to fix you something real nice."

"Don't ya be goin' ta too much trouble for me now Darlin'. I'm a simple man and real easy ta please." And then he kissed her cheek got out and opened her door for her. He helped her down and he said something he'd never said to any woman, "What I'm lookin' forward to is just spendin' the evenin' with ya Beth." He couldn't quite let her go, he had a hand on her waist while he played with a stray curl of her hair, then he leaned in and kissed her cheek again. He smiled as he told her, "Ya have ya a real nice day now an I'll see ya soon."

He watched her walk in the big building while he silently told himself what an honest to gawd idiot he was. He had no business at all starting up with this woman. Once she really got to know him, once she found out who he really was down deep inside there was just no way a sweet, timid young woman like her was ever going to want a broken-down old doper like him.

And she shouldn't settle for him even if she was inclined to, she deserved so much better than a man like him. Still he knew like he knew he needed air to breathe, she had something more he needed. He wasn't going to walk away. He was going to let this thing, whatever the hell it may turn out to be, play out.

He arrived at the shop looking like he'd slept in his clothes all night, because indeed he had. There hadn't been time to run home and grab a shower and a shave. Thank God she'd had that extra toothbrush. But he knew his brother Daryl was going to take one look at him and assume the worst. There was no reason his brother shouldn't. He'd put the kid through too much way too many times.

He took a deep breath, rubbed a hand along the back of his neck, steeled himself and set out to set baby brother straight.

There was some accusing and there was some cussing from both sides and then Merle came clean with his little brother about where he'd been. Daryl gave him a rare smile then and said, "Well shit brother why didn't ya just say ya was all in love an whatnot." He thought he was kidding and so his brother's response came as quite the shock.

"Ain't sayin' I'm in love ya dumb ass, I ain't even sure I know what love is or how it's done. But I aim ta try and find out." The words he spoke shocked Merle just as much as they did his brother.

Daryl wasn't a big talker any time but he was completely speechless then. Never had he known his brother to get anywhere near serious with any woman. Merle didn't mistreat or take unfair advantage of them, but he also didn't make even the smallest of commitments to one.

* * *

Merle hurried home from work, took a quick shower, shaved and dressed in a fresh set of clothes. It had been a long day at work and since he'd stayed at Beth's he hadn't packed himself a lunch, he was starving. He held out though, she was cooking and even if she was the worst damn cook on this earth he planned to enjoy every bite of whatever she served.

He arrived at her place and she opened the door all sparkly-eyed and with a great big smile. He almost thought he should turn and go. How could this beautiful young and fresh-faced woman want anything to do with him. But dammit, it seemed she did and he wasn't going to turn away from that. "Hey Darlin', how was your day?"

"Come in Merle." He stepped inside and she went on, "It was so much better than usual. Gee, I'd forgotten the difference a good night's rest could make."

What came over him he didn't know, but what amazed him was she didn't resist when he took her in his arms and kissed her with a heat he was sure she had to feel. He drew back, smiled and said, "I'm sorry, maybe that was too soon, but kissing you that way is sumthin' I've wanted ta do for quite a while now."

Her hand had gone to her face where her fingers lightly touched her lips, "No really, it was…I hadn't expected that Merle but it was nice and I didn't mind."

He had to ask then, "Just how old are ya Darlin'?"

"I'm an adult, 22."

He couldn't help a small laugh, "Well I learned a long time ago, how old ya are don't have nuthin' ta do with whether or not you're an adult." Then he laid an open palm softly on her cheek and with all the hope in the world he asked, "Ya sure ya wanna start sumthin' with an old boy like me? I'm 32 Darlin'."

She threw him for a minute when she asked, "Is that what we're doing Merle, starting something?"

He was never more honest in his life than when he answered, "I'm hopin' so."

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that you'll leave a comment / review. I'll see you all back here next Wednesday for more of Open All Night. Until then - have a great week and remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much!

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They had their dinner and he found out there was nothing to worry about. Not that it would have mattered to him one way or the other, but she was a good cook. What was even better than her cooking though was her company. He felt like he was hanging on her every word as she chatted about her life on the farm. He couldn't keep himself from teasing, "Did ya wear bib overalls and have your hair in pigtails?"

She turned a little pink but she laughed when she answered, "You think you're being funny Merle Dixon, but I did wear overalls and I did have pigtails."

"Damn I wished I coulda seen ya," he grinned.

"Well maybe someday you'll come with me to the farm and my Mama will show you the family photo album."

He held the smile and said, "Yeah that'd be great." But already he felt the dread. Shit he couldn't imagine her Mama and Daddy being happy about their little girl bringing the likes of him home. He figured the only way he'd even get off the farm alive was if it turned out her Daddy was a bad aim. He wouldn't blame the old boy either, what man would want their daughter keeping company with a low life like him?

He was glad when the conversation turned to work. She told him all about her job at the vet clinic and that although she loved the work it wasn't something she wanted to do as a career. "I don't really have a plan Merle. I feel like I should, like I should know just what I want to do with my life, but I don't."

"Nah, don't do that to yourself. There ain't no big rush. The thing a person needs ta do is decide what they like and what they feel comfortable with. I never woulda thought I'd like bein' a machinist. I mean I guess I never really did think along those lines at all." He laughed then, but there was no humor in his laugh when he said, "I never paid any mind ta what I might be when I grew up. I guess I just expected ta be a loser like my old man." Then he straightened up and softened his tone, "When I cleaned up I needed honest work, that's when I learned ta run an injection moldin' machine. Right away I said ta myself, yeah this is me. I'm doin' it. It's sumthin' useful. I like that there ain't no one standin' over me keepin' an eye on my every move, and there ain't no one chattin' with me. It's just me. And when them parts come out and they're right on spec, it's a satisfyin' feelin' ta know I did that. The job suits me and that's what ya gotta look for, what suits ya."

When the time came for him to leave she asked "Please don't go."

He didn't want to leave her but he fought the urge to stay telling her, "I'm sorry Beth. I don't think I can sleep in that chair again. I'm too big and too old."

"No, I'm the one who's sorry Merle. I was just thinking about myself and I should have thought more about you. If you wanted to you could lay down on the bed with me." He couldn't believe her, that she'd ask him like that. Did she really think that was how it would go? But then the little that he did know about her, he knew that no matter what bad things had happened to her she had an innocence to her. He enjoyed that her, cherished it, and the truth was he envied it. Her purity of spirit. He tried to give her a little healthy reality without taking away all that sweet innocence.

"Darlin' I'm a man with a man's way a thinkin'. Ya don't wanna be askin' men ta just stay the night in your bed. A guy like me is gonna think that's a real nice invitation ta…" He almost said it but he caught himself just in time and cleaned it up, "Ta make love to ya. Don't ya mistake me bein' nice with me not wantin' you in that way." His big hands gently held her face as his eyes looked hard into hers and he told her the truth, "I'd take ya right here and right now Darlin', ya got no idea how bad I wanna. So before ya ever ask me ta share your bed again ya make damn sure that all a me is what ya want. A'ight?"

Her pretty face turned a deep shade of pink and she answered, "I'm sorry…I didn't…well I don't know what I was thinking. Of course, you're right. I'm so sorry."

He thought he saw tears glisten in those baby blues and he wasn't having that. "Hey Darlin' don't ya go feelin' bad now. I'm a big boy and I look out for myself. It's you I worry about. I would never wanna see ya hurt. Ya get your bubble bath and ya get ta sleep now. I'll be around ta see ya. K?"

"Thank you Merle."

It took every ounce of strength Merle Dixon possessed to walk out her door. He wondered just how long he'd be able to keep leaving her alone in that bed. Shit he thought, how long could he leave her alone in that bubble bath.

As it turned out it wasn't for long. At just before two in the morning there he was, sitting at the counter in the little diner waiting for her. She walked in at 2:01 smiled shyly and sat next to him. For a moment he just looked at her, keeping his eyes on hers. She didn't flinch or act nervous or look away, she looked right back. He took her hand and he held it tightly as he brought it to his lips and slowly turned it palm up. He kissed it and then let his tongue glide teasingly along it before kissing it again. She was stunned by how sensuous the almost innocent act of intimacy was as she felt the heat rush through her.

The look in his eyes and the set of his shoulders, everything about him was so serious when he questioned, "A man like me, a woman like you. It don't make sense. We got no business doin' this, and just what the hell are we doin' Darlin'?"

"I don't know."

"Yeah, me too." He lightly clasped his fingers around her slim arm and said, "C'mon now, I'll walk ya home."

He set his money on the counter and she smiled at him shyly before looking down, as if she were studying the pattern on the old linoleum. Jacqui and Jim watched the pair walk out the door before turning to each other and sharing a little smile and a shrug of the shoulders.

This time he led her up the stairs, holding her hand tightly as he did. She took the key from her pocket and handed it to him, and when the door was open he waited while she stepped in. He pushed the door shut and then gently pushed her back against it. His big palms rested against the door on either side of her face as he leaned in and kissed her deeply.

It was hot, deep and sexy. But it wasn't all just need and want-to she felt in his kiss, she also felt the warmth of it and it was like a cliche when she found herself going weak in the knees.

He didn't know what he was thinking, mostly he was pretty sure he wasn't really thinking at all. He was acting purely on instinct and physical desire. He lifted her up in his arms and he carried her to the bedroom. Before he lay her down he kissed her again, and then he made a mistake. He looked in those big blue eyes and he knew he couldn't do this. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was how much he did want to, but he wanted so much more.

He slipped off her shoes and he lay the blanket over her and he told her what he'd already told her once before, "You're killin' me."

Her eyes followed him as he walked to the other side of the bed, pulled off his shoes and lay down next to her. On top of the covers. He wrapped a big muscled arm around her and he didn't ask, he told her what it was going to be like, "I'm stayin' here with ya. I'm makin' sure ya get your sleep and I want ya ta know the truth, my dick's gonna be hard all night long. But I ain't gonna do that with ya, not yet. I already care too much, I want sumthin' more than that."

He pulled her closer and continued, "I want ya ta trust me enough that ya tell me what it is that's causin' this. Not the kinda, sorta of what happened, I want it all. I'll tell ya whatever ya wanna know bout me too. Then I'ma wait till ya can sleep all night, all alone. Not so you can prove sumthin' ta me, but so ya can prove it ta yourself. Then, and only then, if ya think ya want me, well sweet Darlin' you're gonna have all of Merle Dixon."

She laid a hand on his cheek and she told him what was in her heart, "I sense that you don't see what I see, that you don't see yourself the way I do but Merle, you're a good man. I do want to tell you. It would mean freedom for me if I could just tell you my story. I'm going to do that Merle, soon. I promise."

"A'ight Darlin', ya get some sleep now, mornin's gonna come early."

She fell asleep thinking about what he'd asked her at the diner. What were they doing? They didn't belong together. They were too different, nothing about their worlds was even remotely connected. Her upbringing, his lack of upbringing, her almost puritanical ways, his wild doper past. None of it jelled. But all of it did.

When the alarm sounded at six-thirty the next morning she was bright-eyed and downright cheerful, "I'll fix us breakfast."

But this morning he told her, "No. Thanks but I gotta get home Darlin'. I can't be showin' up at work again with no shave and wearin' slept-in clothes." She looked a little sad and he held her for a moment before he left, but what he feared would happen happened. Once he had her in his arms he didn't want to let her go. Still he forced himself to leave her, "You're a sweetheart and I'll be by ta see ya again real soon. Ya have ya a good day now Darlin'."

She wasn't sure why she was so emotional when he left. She barely knew the man. But she knew the man. He was the man she was intended to be with. The man with whom she was supposed to walk through this life. She had no idea why in the world it was she would know that, but she knew it.

They went about their day as usual. Him showing up at work right when expected, fresh clothes, fresh shave and lunchbox in hand. Her showing up at school with her backpack and a go-cup of herbal tea. They went through the motions and they did what they had to do, what they were expected to do.

As he did those things he found she just wouldn't leave his mind. He couldn't understand it, then again he didn't really feel the need to understand it. He needed to just accept that maybe something good was finally happening for him. Maybe instead of questioning it he should simply embrace it, let it happen, enjoy it. For just this once maybe he needed to quit fighting life so hard. He'd always done that and it never worked out. He made up his mind, he wasn't doing it any longer.

He was on her mind all day, but it wasn't just him. She wanted to tell him what happened. She had to really. The only person she'd ever told it all to was her therapist. Her Mama and Daddy knew, her sister Maggie knew and her brother Shawn knew. But they didn't really know, they only suspected. She'd never told them and she'd refused to go to the police.

But if she and Merle Dixon were going to get close he had to know and she had to be the one to tell him. She just wasn't sure she could say it out loud. And what if she did, what if she told him everything and he was disgusted by her? She'd heard of such things happening. Everyone blaming the woman. "Oh it must be the way she smiled at the guy, or her sexy clothes, or the way she walked or talked – she led the poor guy on. She asked for it."

What if that was Merle's reaction? No, she told herself, that wasn't the man he was at all. Then she reminded herself, she didn't really know the man he was. She knew very little about him. Except she knew she needed him and wanted him.

00

He didn't come by after work and he didn't call and she found herself feeling so sad. She was sure he'd probably come to his senses and would never be back. All she could do was try her best to maintain her usual routine.

He went straight to a meeting after work then grabbed a quick meal at a joint nearby. For dessert he went to another meeting. He called his sponsor and told him he'd met a woman and that he was feelings serious things for her. His sponsor told him it was good. He'd been sober a long time and he was ready. He finished by saying, "Just keep working your program Merle, one day at a time man. That's how it works, one day at a time."

It was 1:50am when Jacqui saw him there, right outside the diner. He was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, legs crossed at the ankle and every few seconds glancing up toward the top of the stairs. Waiting. The woman smiled, knowing just who it was he was waiting for. She called to her husband. "Jim, our customers have abandoned us. Apparently they've decided to start meeting outside."

He smiled and said, "Wait for the rainy season, they'll be back."

As soon as he heard the knob on the door turn he was up the stairs. She smiled at him and he told her, "Go on now Darlin', get back inside."

They lay just like they'd lain the night before. It was so tough on him and he mentally patted himself on the back. When it came to sweet Darlin' he was doing it right, taking it one day at a time.

Morning came and she asked, "Will you stay for breakfast? Please?"

"I just can't Darlin'. My brother, well he worries and that ain't no one's fault but mine. Plus, we got a big parts order I gotta get out."

"Maybe you should just stay here nights, I mean, you know, have some of your things here."

His eyes held such a serious look and his lips were so tightly pursed. His hand went to her cheek, "Darlin' girl ya know that can't be. We got a road we gotta get down first."

She nodded and she really did agree, he was right. It was just that for the first time in her life she had no interest in doing the right thing.

Then Merle Dixon did something that in all his 32 years he had never done. He asked a woman on a date. "Would ya care ta go have some dinner and catch a movie Friday night?"

She'd been feeling kind of heavyhearted but now the smile was back on her face, "I would love that. What time should I be ready?"

"I gotta go home and get cleaned up after work, how bout six?"

"I'll be ready, and I'm so excited Merle."

* * *

The next night was only Thursday but she didn't have to wait for Friday to see him. When she opened her apartment door at two a.m., he hurried up the stairs, "Hey Darlin'"

They kissed and all she could think of was everything that she wanted with this man. But she knew it would not happen yet. She knew it was up to her to make it happen.

He left the next morning feeling something he was pretty damn sure he'd never felt before, oddly lighthearted. He'd made it through a week with her and he'd kept a promise to himself, he hadn't let it go beyond kissing. He painted a line down the road and he hadn't crossed that line.

As she watched him leave she made up her mind.

00

He was there at six sharp just like he said he'd be. He was wearing a nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt and she was sure he was the most handsome man in the county. "Hey there Darlin', ya hungry?"

"I am."

"Good then, I made us a reservation at the chop house downtown."

"That sounds perfect." Even though she rarely ate red meat it really did sound perfect. She thought she'd enjoy watching Merle Dixon eat a big steak. Surely they also had fish or chicken on the menu.

It was apparent he felt bad and he apologized when she ordered a caesar salad and roast chicken, "I'm sorry Darlin'. I shoulda thought more about what ya might want instead a what sounded good ta me."

"No Merle, this is wonderful. I'm enjoying myself so much, and aren't I having just what I want? Salad and chicken. Now stop worrying about me and enjoy your steak."

He smiled as he ran an open palm along her back, "Damn, what did I do ta deserve a night out with a woman like you?"

"You asked me Merle and I think I'm a very lucky woman that you did. I know I feel so happy right now."

They got to the movie theater and he started to have doubts about the movie he'd chosen. He'd been careful to avoid anything scary, no SciFi either, but a romantic comedy sounded kind of cheesy. He shouldn't have worried, when he told her the title she was all smiles. "Oh I'm so excited. I've been wanting to see it."

He felt like a kid as they walked in and he took her hand, and he was all smiles when he said, "I hope ya saved room for popcorn and candy."

"I always have room for popcorn and candy Merle."

It had all gone so well, even more perfect than either of them could have dared to hope. He walked her in her apartment and wrapped his arms around her slim waist, smiling as he looked in her pretty blue eyes. Then she caught him completely off guard, "I'm ready to tell you now Merle, if you like we can sit on the sofa."

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the glimpse of them growing closer. Both seem to have doubts and concerns but their attraction is too strong to deny. Please leave a comment or review and share your thoughts. I'll be back next Wednesday with more of Open All Night. Until then remember, I love ya large and appreciate you greatly! xo gneebee


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our couple is getting close in a hurry and I know we're all wondering, how the hell did Merle screw this up? We'll find out soon enough. For now, Beth is ready to tell her story.

**Trigger Warning: Although there are no graphic details, there is talk of sexual assault and violence.**

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She caught him off guard. He thought he was just going to bring her home, tuck her in bed and they'd kiss a little. He'd lay there next to her and hold her close while he was thinking about a whole lot more than just kissing and holding her. In was strange to him but there was no getting around the truth of it. For some reason where Beth was concerned, in some strange way it was easier to just think about what wasn't going to happen, at least for now.

He thought he might know the reason for that. He'd never had a woman like her and the thought of sex with her made him feel pressured. It wasn't about performing in the sack, it was about performing in life. Trying to be the man she deserved. He worried about that because of what else he knew. When a man sleeps with a woman like her it better be because he cares and he plans to hang around no matter what the hell else happens.

All this newness of having feelings for a woman and worrying about her feelings, and making plans and thinking about what it all meant, all of it was a huge adjustment for Merle. It was like he was living a whole new life.

So now that she said she was ready to talk, he wasn't sure he was quite ready to listen. And it went a little deeper, he wasn't sure he could take hearing the details of some asshole hurting her. But then he thought what he imagined happened to her might be far worse than what really did. Except what if it wasn't?

She was just looking at him, waiting, her expression becoming more and more confused. Finally he spit it out, "Ya sure Darlin'? It's kinda soon n all and I understand if ya ain't ready."

He could swear she looked even tinier than usual and her voice was so soft as to be "barely there," but she answered, "Yes, I'm sure Merle. I've always known I needed to tell the story, I couldn't just keep carrying the burden of it by myself. I'll be honest though, I don't understand why it's you I feel the need to tell."

For once in his life he sat still and he was quiet, waiting while she got her thoughts and her words aligned, "I have a loving family that I'm very close to. Why wouldn't I tell them? I know they would never judge me, they'd just keep loving me and supporting me. It's so strange and I don't understand, I'm not sure why I feel this way, not exactly. But the feeling is so strong and I know it's right, it's you I need to tell."

For the first time in a long time he wished he had a fifth of Jack in one hand and a joint in the other. He'd be drinking out of the bottle and inhaling deeply. But he didn't have those medications and he tried convincing himself he had something much better. He had a sweet woman who was putting her faith in him.

She trusted him and maybe that's what was so hard for him to take, the fact that this beautiful and bright young woman would put her trust in him. No one trusted him, not completely, not even his own brother. And he didn't blame any of them for that, it was all on him. He'd never proved he was trustworthy. Just the opposite.

Dammit though, hadn't he been the one? The one that made up this dumb fucking rule about her having to tell him. So what was he going to do now? Run out of the room screaming like a tantrum-throwing toddler? Or would he sit there like the man he wanted to be for her, shut up and listen?"

"Darlin', as long as you're sure ya wanna do this I'ma sit right here, keep my mouth shut and just listen. A'ight?"

"Yes, alright." Then she took in a breath and said, "Maybe I should get us something to drink first. Can I get you water or tea, or wait, I almost forgot, I got some coke for you."

He smiled, "That was real sweet Darlin', sure I'll have a coke." He resisted asking if she had any jack for that coke.

She walked back in the room, setting their glasses on the small table in front of the sofa, looked at him with a nervous and tightlipped smile, and began, "I had such a wonderful life growing up in the country. Maybe it was too wonderful. It was like I was insulated from the real world and all the bad things. My parents are deeply religious people and our life centered around pleasant things, knowing God loved us and that He had given us each other. As nice as that was it probably wasn't all good. I didn't know how cruel and ugly life could be."

She took a sip of the water and he saw the white-knuckle grip she had on her glass. He wanted to tell her to just forget it, she didn't have to put herself through this. But he knew better. He'd sat in hundreds of meetings and right now it wasn't his turn to share.

"I didn't do a lot of socializing, I mostly just had my family and my best friend Amy. We'd play at school and when we got a little older, teenagers, sometimes she'd come home from school with me on Fridays and spend the night. We'd do all the things young girls do, make popcorn and drink coke or Kool-Aid, we'd listen to music and talk about the boys in the boy bands. We'd be giggling and acting silly until all hours of the night, until Daddy threatened to separate us. It was all fun and innocence."

Her face was already pink and it got more and more pink as her story went on. "When I got a little older I did have a boyfriend, Jimmy. I'd known him my whole life. He lived on a neighboring farm and he went to our church and we'd always been friendly. When we were juniors in high school it turned into a little something more. He asked me out to a movie and pretty soon we were going to school dances together and going out for burgers and shakes."

"Amy had a boyfriend too, in fact they're married now, so we'd go on double dates. But it was all so innocent. A little making out and a little over the clothes petting was as far as it ever got. Nothing…well I was a good girl and he was a good enough boy that when I said 'no more' he didn't argue or get forceful."

Merle was thinking Jimmy was indeed a good guy, the kind of good guy Beth Greene deserved.

She stood and he stood too, now what? She simply excused herself, "I need to use the bathroom, I'll be right back."

"Sure Darlin', I'll be here."

She was afraid she might faint. She splashed cold water on her face and then let it run over the insides of her wrists. Then she sat on the edge of the tub, breathed deeply and tried to relax, and she wondered why she was doing this at all.

Why was she putting herself through it? Why was she trusting him? She didn't really understand it, she didn't know why this was even happening. She felt almost like she was standing outside of herself, watching as it all played out.

But there was something else, she wanted to unburden herself and he seemed like a man who was willing to help carry her burden. There was one more thing, he was a man whose burdens she would be more than willing to help carry.

She came back and sat next to him, he smiled and nodded in encouragement and she began to once again tell her story. "Jimmy and I broke up right after high school, not for any terrible reasons, it was just that we'd been dating for a couple of years and we both knew that if it was ever going to become love it would have by then. I still see him at church and we're still friends."

"Right after graduation it seemed everyone I went to school with moved out of their parent's home. Some like Amy and Caesar even got married. Not me. I just didn't feel ready to leave home and Mama and Daddy didn't seem to think there was any kind of rush either.

I was 19 the last summer I lived at home. Daddy's getting older and with my brother Shawn off at college he hired a farmhand to help around the place. The guy wasn't old but much older than me, maybe ten years."

She picked her glass up and her eyes closed as she drew in a deep breath, breathed out and took a small sip. Her face was red, her hands were fidgeting and he was worried this was all too much. It was all he could do to keep his mouth shut and keep from scooping her up in his arms and telling her none of it mattered any more. But he knew better.

Although still looking scared and nervous she'd managed to compose herself a little and continue her story. "Anytime this guy was anywhere near me I could feel him watching me, and I was near him a lot because I was working on the farm too. He'd give me these looks and lick his lips and I understood the message. It was awful." Merle felt the tightening of his muscles. He already had that urge to find the guy and kick his ass or worse, but he fought to keep his look calm as Beth told more.

"I didn't say anything to Daddy because the guy was a good hand and Daddy really needed the help. I figured Len, that was his name, would be gone after the harvest anyway and it wouldn't matter. It would all be over and I'd never see him again. That's just how it seemed to happen and it was such a relief."

"That fall I finally took the big leap. I rented a small furnished apartment and moved out on my own. I'd just turned 20. Everything was going well. Amy and Caesar lived close by and she and I would have lunch once or twice a week. I still went to church with my folks on Sunday and had dinner with them after. I made friends at school and at work. Not people I socialized with but you know how it is, people I talked to and stuff. Acquaintances."

He smiled and gently rubbed his hand over her back, it seemed to give her the strength she needed to go on. "It was a Thursday night. Just a regular Thursday. I was sound asleep and back then I was a hard sleeper. I didn't even hear him come in the window Merle." He saw the tears glimmer in her eyes and he was sure he knew where the story was going.

"I woke up when he pulled the covers off me. The look on his face was wild, like an animal on the attack. He started tearing at my pajamas, pulling the bottoms off, and he said, I'll never forget, he said, 'I bet ya missed me farm girl, don't ya worry, I'm about ta give ya what ya been wantin' from me.'" Now a few tears fell and once again Merle wanted to tell her to just stop, to never mind, he got it. But he knew it was important for her to finish telling it.

"I tried so hard to fight, I wanted to get away and I struggled. We even fell off the bed and I hit the side of my head on the beside table, and he laughed and said, 'there, that oughta calm ya down.' He ripped open my pajama top and…he was so rough. He hurt me and I knew he meant to. I started to cry and beg him to stop. That only made him do it more."

Merle could feel the adrenaline pulsing through him. He needed something or someone to punch, or better yet to kill. He amazed himself by managing to appear calm as he rubbed her back again and wished like hell the fucking story would just end.

"He, he took everything from me that night. My innocence and my happiness and my peace of mind. He took what I'd been saving for marriage and he laughed and said he'd done me a favor. He said I was too old to not be, umm, doing the F word regularly. Finally it was over and he slapped me hard across the face and said, 'well I got what I wanted, I hope it was good for you' and he crawled back out the window."

"I just laid there stunned, crying, devastated and when I started to look around I saw the clock had fallen from the night table, it was broken. The time was stuck at two o'clock."

The tears started in earnest then and he knew what the old Merle would have done. He'd have stood, told her he couldn't deal and he'd split. He'd hurry out and then hurry to find the closest bar. He'd get half-drunk and then head over to a dealer he knew and load up on some crystal.

He couldn't do that to her though, never. He didn't pull away and he didn't hold back, he scooped her into his arms and he held her as tightly as he felt he could without hurting her. He wasn't sure what he should say to her, so he just kept repeating, "Sorry Darlin', I'm so sorry."

He let her cry it out and when the crying seemed to be easing up a little he said, "C'mon, let's get in the bathroom and get a cool washcloth for those eyes. C'mon now, you'll need ta drink some more water too."

He walked her to the bathroom and he waited there just outside the door. He could hear her blow her nose and the sniffling, the water running and the splashing sounds. It must have been 10 minutes and when she finally came out she had fresh tissues in her hand. She was trying to be brave, trying to smile. He put a stop to that, "Ya don't hafta try n act like everythin's okay when we both know it ain't."

He couldn't stand to have her just standing there looking so small and so forlorn. He held her to him and tried to keep his voice low and calm when he said, "I'ma do everythin' I can ta make damn sure no one ever hurts ya again Darlin'."

In his heart and head he knew what he was going to do first. There was a part of the old Merle Dixon that would not be denied. That part had risen to the surface. It was that man who was going to find the son of a bitch who hurt her, and he'd make damn sure the bastard never hurt anyone again.

For now though he was going to try to be the man in her life who brought her some peace and comfort, "It's almost eleven, way passed your bedtime young lady. Why don't ya go on in and get your gown on. I'll wait out here til ya tell me I can come in."

He hadn't expected it but he was glad for it when she raised up on her toes and kissed him, "Thank you Merle."

A few minutes later she called to him and she stood just inside the bedroom door waiting. He smiled thinking she must like it when he put her to bed and that was cool with him because he liked it too. He pulled the cover down on the bed, lifted her in his arms and carried her to it, gently laying her down and then covering her up.

"Alright now, close your eyes or whatever cuz I'm takin' my slacks and shirt off. Don't worry, I got boxers and an undershirt on. I just gotta quit walkin' outta here in slept in clothes."

He didn't exactly lay on the covers, he didn't exactly slip himself between the sheets. He split it down the middle. He lay just under the big diamond pattern quilt. He wrapped his arm around her and let her know, "It means so much ta me that you'd trust me this way Darlin'. That you'd tell me your story, and believe me I know how hard that was and how bad stirrin' up that shit had ta hurt. I feel proud that ya had that faith in me." He was absentmindedly playing with her curls when he added, "And thanks for trustin' me ta lay here with ya. I want ya ta know I wouldn't ever take advantage or do anythin' ya didn't want me too." And he meant what he said.

"I know Merle, for some reason I always knew that. Thank you for being here."

"Like always, it's my pleasure Darlin'. Night now."

They kissed and she rolled over on her side. He pulled her closer and he nuzzled his nose into her neck. He thought she'd fallen asleep when, in a quiet and timid sounding voice she finally asked him her biggest question, "Do you think it was my own fault?"

He sat straight up and flipped on the bedside light, looking at her like she was a crazy person, "How the fuck could thatta been your fault? The sumbitch broke in your house. He's a lowlife asshole and you're the victim. Don't ya never take on his guilt." His lips were pursed and he thought maybe steam was coming out of his ears. But he wanted to make his point, "I ain't proud ta say this Darlin', but the truth is I been with plenty a women. Never have I ever forced a woman, it was always sumthin' mutual. That's how that stuff is s'posed ta happen. Got it?"

She practically jumped up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. She held him as tightly as she could and said, "You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that. You are…I…I care for you Merle, a lot."

He turned and laid her down, propping himself above her. He leaned in, kissed her lips and said, "I care for ya too Darlin' and I aim ta take care of ya."

She smiled, "Tomorrow you can tell me your story. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I said I would and I will. Now get your pretty self ta sleep."

Again, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. He tried not to think about how, when he told her the truth about himself, the things he'd done and the way he'd lived his life. There was a good chance this sweet woman who he already cared for way too much, was going to tell him she never wanted to see his ass again.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a little rough. We heard Beth's story and Merle didn't seem shocked by it, but it stirred up some feelings for sure. Please leave a comment / review. I hope to see you all back next week to hear Merle's story. Thanks so much! I love ya large, xo gneebee


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much, that was a tough chapter. Now I have to confess, we're not getting to Merle's story this week because, well, there was so much we had to experience first and frankly, sometimes I forget how wordy I am :) Sorry. Next week for sure. In the meantime...

He wasn't rested. He hadn't slept much and the sleep he'd had was fitful. He was too agitated to rest, far too angry. His eyes were open and by five a.m. he just couldn't lay there anymore. He didn't exactly jump up out of bed, bolt and run. He wasn't trying to be an asshole. Not at all, he was trying to just get away without it being a big deal.

He gently pulled her into his chest, leaned down and smiled when he kissed her cheek, and told her, "Sorry Darlin', I gotta go."

He thought he had a real good and believable story about why it was he had to split at five o'clock on a Saturday morning, "I know it's the weekend and all but I got a million things I gotta take care of. I tell ya what. How bout I come by later and bring some takeout for dinner? Afterwards we can sit and talk. I'll tell ya whatever it is about me and my life you'd like ta know. Whaddya think?"

"Oh, I understand completely Merle. I have cleaning and laundry to do myself. Oh, and grocery shopping." She smiled that big bright smile and asked, "What time do you think you'll be by?"

She was too fucking sweet. Why did she always have to be so nice and so accommodating? It would be so much easier on him if she'd get a little pissed off once in a while. Give him some shit like he deserved. She didn't, not this time. He hadn't seen that in her, ever.

She was hurt and she felt a little angry with him. Why did he always have to leave in such a hurry first thing in the morning? It made her feel like she was the last person in the world he wanted to be spending his time with, like it was only an accident that he'd woken there with her. She hadn't forced him to stay, he knew she wanted him too but it was his decision. So what was the big hurry now? Surely his errands or whatever else he planned to do would keep a while.

It was Saturday, shouldn't they be taking a little time for themselves that morning? Laying in each other's arms and then later having a leisurely breakfast together? There would still be plenty of time for chores and errands after that. To top it off, she'd just told the man everything about the most horrific night of her life, the worst thing that ever happened to her. Shouldn't he want to stay? Shouldn't they talk more? She didn't know for sure. She just knew what she wanted and needed from him.

The trouble was that although she knew, she didn't tell him.

He was rubbing a hand along the back of his neck looking antsy and uncomfortable, "Yeah um, I'll be by about 5:30, how's that?"

"That sounds good. I can't wait for tonight." She had a big smile on her face but her heart was pumping some angry adrenaline and her stomach felt like there was a led weight laying at the bottom of it.

He smiled when he kissed her goodbye like everything was great. He thought it was and he kept that smile when he told her, "Yeah me too Darlin', me too. I can't wait." Then he took a chance. He didn't want to hurt her and he damn sure didn't want the tears to start up again. Still he asked the question foremost on his mind, "This Len fella, I'm just wonderin' if I might know him from my doper days. I knew plenty a lowlifes." He laughed but not like he really believed it was funny when he added, "I's one of em, the lowest of the lowlifes. But anyway, ya wouldn't happen ta know this particular lowlife's last name would ya?"

She couldn't believe he'd brought it up. Really? And just before leaving her, and so casually? Yet she answered in a calm and matter-of-fact tone, "Well I hope you don't. I hope he's fallen off the face of the earth. And yes I know his name it's, Len Butler."

"Sorry Darlin', maybe I shouldn't a asked. Like I said, I just wanted ta make sure that I don't know him." He took her in his arms then and he held her close, and it felt so damn good even he didn't understand why it was he felt the need to rush out of there and away from her. He kissed the top of her head and nuzzled his nose into those soft blonde curls, "I'ma miss ya while I'm gone Darlin', but we'll have a good evenin', a'ight?"

"Yes, I'm sure it'll be nice. I always have a nice time with you Merle." She felt her body completely relax into his. How could he do that? Was she really so desperate that just his arms around her and a few sweet words were all it took to smooth everything over? It seemed like it was. He'd just proven it to her. All he had to do was take her in his arms and hold her close and suddenly her anger was gone. It was as if she completely understood why it was he had to go and agreed wholeheartedly.

Her unhappy mindset had changed. Now she saw only how sweet and wonderful and thoughtful he was. She even silently scolded herself, she shouldn't have been thinking such harsh thoughts earlier.

He got out the door and took in a deep cleansing breath, and when it came back out it was as a huge sigh of relief. He'd bought himself time. Time away from looking at her and thinking about what that son of a bitch had done to her. And he had a name. He figured with that and her description of the asshole it was probably all he'd need to find the guy. He still knew a shitload of those old dopers and where they liked to hang out. Someone would know this guy or they'd know someone else who did.

He drove home with her on his mind. He didn't want to be thinking about what had happened to her. He wanted to clear his head. But the thoughts kept coming. There was more to it too. Her story was so sad and he didn't see his own in quite that way.

He saw his life story as just the unadulterated proof that life is hard and people fuck up, and it wasn't just his old man and his Mama who had fucked up. He'd followed right in their footsteps. He was pretty sure Sweet Darling Beth Greene was not going to like hearing all the ways in which he'd managed to do that. He figured once she'd heard it all, he'd be back sleeping in his own bed.

He got to his place and he really did do his chores. He tidied it up and he threw some clothes in the washer and cut the grass. He showered up and then he got on his bike. He had some riding to do.

It was early still, not early for regular folks, but it was too early for dopers. This time of the day was when they were just starting to nod off. While he waited for the right time to come he needed to feel the freedom of the road and the ride. He kicked it into gear and screamed down that highway like that was going to help him forget everything and just breathe. In some ways it did.

That was one of the few things him and his brother always agreed on. They argued about plenty of stuff but it was the freedom of being on the back of a bike they both loved and thrived on. The wind slapping your face and the power and noise of the machine. It was a whole different kind of state of being. A freedom like no other.

He rode for a couple of hours, then circled back until he found himself in a small alley behind an abandoned factory building. It was a hangout for the crackheads who had long ago lost it all. Their jobs, their homes, any loved ones they may have once had, most of their teeth and for many, their minds.

He approached a fellow he knew and the guy seemed half with it, half lucid. Half was good, half would do. He clapped him on the back, but not hard. It was pretty damn easy to knock over a crackhead as far gone as this one was. Merle didn't judge the guy, he felt grateful knowing it could just as easily have been him, "Hey brother, how ya doin'?"

The guy stared at him with rheumy eyes while he figured it out, "That you Merle? I ain't seen ya in a long time. Where ya been?"

"Oh ya know, here and there. I been around. I wanted ta ask ya about a guy I'm lookin' for. He's a tall lanky fella, a white guy with dark hair that's kinda long, kinda stringy. He has a thing about women, ya know, screwin' em when that ain't what they wanted at all. He ratchets it up a notch too, he likes roughin' em up just ta add ta his fun."

The crackhead nodded, he knew the type and that's pretty much what he said, "Lotta guys are like that, 'til the crack gets em so bad their pecker won't work no more. Then they just stick with the roughin' up part. Ya got a name?"

"Len. Len Butler. Ya know him?"

"I know who he is, don't like him. He thinks he owns everythin'. If ya got a little sumthin' he wants he'll take it away from ya." He shrugged then and added, "But he does get some good crack, nuthin' I can afford but I hear it's prime. He does his drinkin' and sellin' outta that sleazy old bar, The Amber Room."

"Hey thanks man." Merle reached a hand in his pocket and pulled out a twenty, "Try n talk yourself into gettin' a little sumthin' ta eat buddy. A'ight?"

"Damn, yeah, thanks Merle, and you bet. I'll get me a cheeseburger."

Merle knew the guy wouldn't. He'd been in that place himself. Food was not what the guy needed to survive.

He rode to the dive called The Amber Room. At one time it had been kind of a nice little bar with good country music and a busy dance floor. Not anymore. Just walking into the place the smell nearly killed him. Unwashed bodies, stale beer, urine and stomach contents. Charming he thought. Again though, he didn't feel like he was any better than anyone who hung out there. He'd spent plenty of time in these kinds of places.

He sat at the bar and the barman came over, he didn't look much better than the customers when he said, "Name your poison."

"Right now today it's a Coca Cola. If ya got it in a bottle or a can that's how I like it."

The guy just looked at him, muttered, "Yeah right," grabbed a glass, filled it with ice and dispensed the Coke. Merle paid for it but he wouldn't be drinking it. Only God knew when the last time was the health inspector had been by. Thinking about that almost made him laugh out loud. Back in his doper days hygiene didn't mean any more to him than it did to the current Amber Room clientele.

He handed the barman a twenty, looked him dead in the eye and asked, "Ya wouldn't happen ta know when Len'll be around would ya?"

The guy didn't consider himself a snitch but if this fella was shelling out twenties what could it hurt to share a little information? "He's outta town for a couple weeks. Went down Florida way to pick up a little sumthin'."

"Uh huh, I see, couple a weeks huh?" Merle scribbled down his cell number on a cocktail napkin and handed it to the guy, saying, "Tell ya what, ya give me a call when he comes by. Don't say nuthin' ta him about it, ya just call. Ya do that and it's worth a couple Benjamins."

The barman just nodded as he slipped the napkin in his shirt pocket.

He walked out of there and he knew he was right on the edge. He'd gone out on that old slippery slope and as bad as it all looked and smelled and as awful as he knew it was, he wanted that feeling. The one where you're so high you don't give a fuck about anything. It can make life so much easier. At least for a while.

It scared him. Man, he had to get a grip. He had five years. Life was good for him now. Good work, good money, a good woman who seemed to think he was a good man. He straddled the bike, took out his phone and checked. There was a meeting starting in ten minutes just a couple miles away. He took his ass to it.

He sat there trying to listen to the sharing, trying to share, trying to get his mind there instead of the million other places it wanted to go. Right then though, in that moment, it wasn't on the dope and the lack of feeling that it brought. It was on her. He was nervous, rattled. His truth was so much messier and uglier than her truth. The thing was, the really big thing, she was an innocent player in everything that was ugly around her. Everything ugly around him was his own fucking fault.

It was four when the meeting ending. He couldn't hang around to "visit" with the others, he had some place to be. For one thing he needed another shower. He'd been riding and he'd been where he'd been and suddenly he couldn't wait to wash it all off.

He showered up and he dressed for her, like a date and like he was taking her someplace instead of just bringing her take out food. He ran in the fresh produce mart and bought her a bouquet of flowers. Why not? It was no-doubt the last evening he would get to spend with her, he may as well do something nice.

He decided on Chinese, isn't that everyone's go-to takeout food he thought. He was mindful when he looked at the little paper menu. He ordered her a chicken and vegetable something or other and himself beef with noodles. Even though he'd barely eaten that day he had a feeling he wasn't going to be able to eat much while he sat across from her. Everything that was so good about her reminded him of everything that was so bad about him.

The bad thoughts disappeared when she opened the door and smiled that sweet smile, "Hi Merle."

"Hi Darlin'. Ya sure do look pretty and I sure did miss ya today. I thought about ya though, you were there with me in my mind."

He set the food down on the table before leaning in and kissing her cheek, breathing in the fragrance of her as if it were life-giving. He handed her the bouquet and she looked so happy, "What a lovely surprise. Thank you Merle, they're beautiful."

And he truly meant it when he said, "Them flowers can't hold a candle ta you Beth."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and lay her head on his chest and he was surprised that the action made him feel a little sad. He wondered if he'd ever get to experience the feeling of her holding him again.

When they drew apart she smiled at him again, "I'm so happy you brought Chinese. Something made me think you might and it's one of my favorites."

That's what they did first, just like he thought they would. It was already nearing six, passed what he knew was her usual dinnertime. She was happy with the choice he'd made, "Oh I love chicken chow mien, how did you know?"

He laughed, "I didn't have any idea, I just knew ya like chicken and ya like veggies, kind of a no-brainer, ain't it?"

She giggled, "Yes it is, and I'm not at all surprised you got the beef."

After dinner they sat in the living room and he was already wishing he hadn't eaten. His stomach had tightened up and his throat was desert dry. He took a huge drink of the soda and just like he had the night before he wished he had some jack. He wished he had some oxy. He wished he had something, anything to deaden the senses.

She didn't want to push him. It was clear to her he was not quite himself. He was nervous and fidgety and she thought he probably wished he was anywhere else. She reached her hand over and took his, squeezing it softly when she told him, "You don't know owe me a thing. We can just relax if you like. Watch a movie maybe or we could even go for a walk."

In spite of how he felt she made him smile. She saw right through him. He could get out of this, she was opening the door for him. But that would only make things worse. He needed to do this for her, she had to know the kind of man she was dealing with. She had the right to tell him to fuck off and never come around again. That's what she ought to do anyway, she was way too good for the likes of him.

"Nah, ya know I said I'd tell ya and I will." He pursed his lips and he put his arm lightly around her shoulders, brought her close to him and kissed her for what he feared may be the last time. "None of it is good. I'm not good. Been a real bad dude little Darlin'. Ain't much wrong that I haven't done, and there ain't much right that I did do. I'ma tell ya all of it unless ya stop me before I'm done. I understand if ya do. Tell me ta hit it. I won't put up a fight."

"Merle…I'm sure I won't."

"Don't be." Now she wished she hadn't eaten. Her stomach was tied up in knots and her head hurt. She tried telling herself it couldn't be that bad, how could it be that bad?

"Besides me there's only one person in this world who knows the things I done and the things I'm capable of, my brother Daryl knows it all. I ain't even told my sponsor all of it. Now I'ma tell you little Darlin' and I ain't sure why. I guess I just don't want ya ta get with me if ya don't know what it is you're gettin' into. I barely know ya and I'm about ta give ya an earful. I know you'll keep it to yourself, won't ya?"

"Of course I will Merle. I would never tell your secrets."

He couldn't keep himself from laughing but he meant it when he lay his hand on her cheek and said, "Yeah, you're just that sweet. I ain't worried a bit you'll tell. That ain't what I'm worried about at all."

Everything was quiet for a few minutes and then suddenly he stood, hand rubbing nervously over his neck and head. "Nah, nah, I can't. I can't do it. Sorry Darlin', I gotta go," and he hurried to the door.

His hand was already wrapped around the doorknob when she spoke so loudly and in such a firm tone that she stunned him, "Don't Merle Dixon. Don't you do this to you and don't you do this to me." His hand was still on the doorknob but his shoulders had slumped and his forehead now leaned on the doorjamb. She laid her hand on his back and that stern tone turned soft and quiet when she told him, "I let you in Merle, can you try to let me in too? Please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that heavy for you? Because it was heavy for me. Please leave a comment / review and let me know what you think. I apologize for leaving you hanging. I hope to see all of you back next Wednesday for Merle's story. Until then remember, don't go where it's slippery and I love ya large! xo gneebee


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone. Merle had his hand on the door, ready to split. Let's see how he handles this.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Nearly every one of them you can think of, drugs, drug behavior, murder, sexual abuse, child abuse. In other words, if you have any triggers at all, this is probably not a safe chapter for you.

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He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he knew the time was upon him. He was either going to act like the man he wanted to be, turn around and talk to this woman, or he was going to turn that knob, walk out the door and blow what little chance he might have with her.

She waited. She didn't move, she didn't speak, she didn't take her hand from his back. She barely breathed. She prayed. She prayed he'd turn around and that he would find the faith and the strength to at least talk to her. Even if he didn't tell his story. And she prayed she could be quiet, that she could listen and not judge and that when all was said and done maybe there would be a chance they could both find happiness.

Then it happened, he slowly turned around. He took her in his arms and he held her so tightly she was afraid she couldn't breathe. The air in the room seemed heavy, emotions were running high for both of them. Fear, anxiety and even desire.

He bent down so that his lips were close to her ear and he admitted something to her he'd never admitted to anyone. He whispered, "I'm afraid."

She tried to tighten her hold on him and she whispered back, "I'm afraid too. But Merle…I'm willing to listen."

He held her a moment longer while he reminded himself how much he wanted this with her, and when he drew back his lips were pursed and he nodded his head and asked, "Can we start again?"

Her smile was understanding and her voice was soft when she answered, "Of course we can. Do you want to sit down?"

"Yeah I think so."

They sat close on the couch but not touching. He took a swallow of his coke and she of her water and he began his story. "Guess I should start at the beginnin', when I's a kid. Don't get me wrong, I ain't feelin' sorry for myself or nuthin' like that but I didn't have a nice family like you. We had a little house but it wasn't what you'd call decent. It wasn't even good enough ta be called humble, but that's how it was and when I was real little I didn't know no better."

"There was a lotta things I didn't know. I didn't know there was homes where Daddy's weren't worthless drunks who beat their wife and kids. I didn't know about the Daddy's who didn't cuss at their kids and tell em how worthless and ugly they were. Those things were what I knew about life and I thought everyone lived like us."

She already wanted to stop him. She didn't think she could take looking at this terrible picture he was painting, but she reminded herself this was what she'd asked for and she made herself keep quiet and not look away from him.

"When I started school that's when I found there was kids that live different. That come from nice homes where Daddy don't beat em. First I felt sad, then I's jealous of em, then I got real angry that I was the one somehow chosen ta live the shit life, while these other jokers had it made. I wasn't much more than about eight when I started ta get in trouble, actin' up. I's forever stealin' sumthin' at the store or someone's lunch at school." He shook his head, "Dumbest thing about that was, I's gettin' myself in trouble with the school or the cops and then I'd go home and get beat for it. You'd think I'd figure that shit out, wouldn't ya? The thing was though, even at eight I was already hard. I already just didn't give a fuck."

"By the time I's ten it was worse. I had a stealin' habit by then, everythin'. Clothes, food, hell I'd even steal car parts and smokes I could sell for cash. I's gettin' ta be really good at it, I didn't get caught no more. And I's already drinkin'. Beer mostly and not a lot, but I liked it. It made everything seem easier."

This part was going easy for him, these were the things he talked about in meetings, not the things he kept close.

"It was also when I was 10 that Mama started ta show. That's right, she was pregnant. Torturin' one kid wasn't enough. I's madder than hell at the both of my so-called parents and I told em so. I cussed em out. I knew I was gonna get a beatin' but I didn't care. That was also the first time I fought back. I's smart enough ta know I couldn't win but just the same as with a lotta things, I didn't care. I just wanted ta get my blows in."

"When Daryl was born I couldn't help myself, I loved the little fella right away, and shit I worried. I knew what he had comin' and I wanted ta change things for him but I knew I couldn't." He stood then, nervously pacing the floor while he continued, "When I's 16 and he was six I left him there alone. I got the hell outta there. Saved myself. Left him ta pay the price."

He hadn't looked like he felt bad or guilty about any of it, not until he'd gotten to that part. She wanted to reach out but she thought maybe she shouldn't. He was talking and she thought it best to just let him talk. And she was sure Merle Dixon wasn't a man who would want sympathy or pity.

He sat down again but it was obvious he wasn't getting comfortable. She could practically see the combination of anger and adrenaline he was fighting. "Daryl was eight when our Mama managed ta fall asleep with a cigarette in her hand. A course she was drunk at the time. She burned herself and the house right up. That left little brother livin' alone with the old man."

He looked down then shaking his head in what she read as disgust, "I was fine cuz I was already hard into drugs by then. Uppers durin' the day and downers ta put me ta sleep. I smoked dope ta relax and snorted crystal ta get jacked up. I liked a speedball now and then even though I knew I's probably gonna die by a needle someday. I didn't care. I was livin' a good life. I stole, I bought dope and I thought that made me free. Pft. It hadn't dawned on me yet I's a prisoner ta that dope same as if I's locked up somehwere."

He stood again and he paused, he looked at her like no one ever had. It was so intense she almost felt afraid for herself. Then he told her, "This next part is rougher. If ya want me ta stop or ta leave, just say the word Darlin'. I'll get the hell out. No argument."

Now she truly was frightened but she didn't say so, she didn't stop him. She just nodded once and kept listening.

"When I was 20 and Daryl was 10 I took my doped-up ass over ta see him early one evenin'. I found him under a blanket in the corner a that rotten trailer they was livin' in. The old man had beat him real, real bad. The kid was a mess."

He rubbed a hand across his forehead and then it was like he was squeezing it hard, like he hoped that would make the memory of it go away. He spoke again, "I patched him up as best I could. I went and got a little food and fixed him a bowl a soup and a fried egg sandwich and I promised him I'd take care a things so it wouldn't happen again."

"I's real worried about little brother, not just cuz a the batterin' he'd taken. It was because he wasn't cryin'. His eyes had that cold hard stare and when I looked in em I saw myself. I's at least smart enough ta know I didn't want him growin' up like me. There was only one way I thought I could make sure that didn't happen."

He stood and stretched, paced some more and she could tell he wanted to stop. Whatever was coming next she sensed it, it was going to be painful for her and him both.

"I knew where the old man hung out, shit he'd been hangin' in the same joint for years." She wouldn't think it could be possible, but his look was even more intense and she saw him clinch his fists, "I went there with every intention a killin' him and settin' little brother free."

She couldn't help it, the gasp slipped out on its own. He quickly asked, "Ya want me ta stop? Go now?"

She didn't even try to speak, she just shook her head "no."

"I got me a bottle a Southern Comfort and I drove over there. I didn't go in the joint. I's clever enough ta know if anyone seen me they'd put two n two together later. The parkin' was in the back a the place and I parked in the alley next to it. I set there at least an hour and a half, drinkin' the Comfort and waitin' on the old man."

He hadn't meant to do it, stuff like that only complicated things. But it just seemed to happen. His hand reached over and took hers and he gave it a gentle squeeze. Then, as if suddenly coming to his senses, he quickly pulled it away. "He finally come stumblin' out and I slipped outta the truck. As he was openin' his car door I got up behind him and I swung that bottle just as hard as I could at the back a his head. He started ta drop and I stuck my knife in him as deep as it'd go. I drew it back out as he slumped ta the ground. I's sure I'd killed him. I hurried ta my truck and beat it outta there."

She knew her mouth had to be hanging open. She was stunned by his story. Yet what he'd done wasn't what disturbed her most, it was the fact she didn't blame Merle. What he did seemed justified. How could she possibly feel that way? She was supposed to be a good Christian girl.

"I threw the knife in the river try'n ta get rid a the evidence. Then I washed my hands off as good as I could and went ta check on little brother." The look he had then was softer, more resigned. "You'd think I'd be all hyped up and wouldn't be able ta sleep, but it wasn't that way. Maybe that was cuz I felt so much relief at thinkin' it was over, he was gone. Daryl was in his bed and I laid down with him, we both went right out. I woke up a couple hours later when there was a knock on the door."

She hadn't meant to say a word but the question came out, "The police?"

"Yeah it was. They said the old man was in the hospital in serious condition. They asked me if I knew anythin' about it and Daryl popped right out with, 'My brother's been here with me. My Daddy beat me real bad and Merle was takin' care a me.' Then the kid pulled his shirt off and his pants down and showed them his back and his legs, and his skinny little chest. He was covered with ugly marks and they believed him. Just like that I wasn't a suspect anymore." He smirked adding, "I don't think they gave two shits who stabbed the old man once they seen Daryl."

He took a chance and took her hand again, looking sad when he said, "The thing that scared me was how easy it was for Daryl ta lie like that." His expression became bitter then as he continued, "Then the cop said they was gonna have ta call child welfare and I tried ta stop em. I begged em, and ya know, I was plenty old enough to take in a kid. If I'da had my shit together they'd a given Daryl ta me. Trouble was I didn't have a job or a decent place for him ta live, so they took him." He closed his eyes and he looked like he was in pain as he told the rest of that part of his story, "At first he was kickin' and punchin' at them cops, and then he started cryin' and beggin' me ta stop them from takin' him away. He was screamin' that he needed ta stay there with me. I wanted ta kick my own ass for bein' such a loser and lettin' him down that way."

His head was down, arms resting on his thighs and hands clasped in front of him, "It broke my heart and it broke his. But I still didn't pull my head outta my ass and get off the drugs."

She thought she probably shouldn't but she did it anyway. She laid her hand over his and they looked in each other's eyes, he nodded and continued, "I know now it was for the best. They put him with a real nice older couple who fed him right and taught him his manners, they made him go ta school and do his homework. He's better for it, much better. That don't mean I ain't felt guilty about it every day since. I'm sure he probably still feels pretty pissed I couldn't step up for him. I shoulda been the one ta do those things for my brother. Him cryin' and beggin' that way, it's a picture I'll never get outta my mind."

Her question just came out, "What happened to your Dad?"

"Son of a bitch didn't die. Not from my hand anyway. He ended up goin' ta jail for child abuse, child endangerment, all that shit. One a the other inmates thought he was there for child molestin' so he shanked him. That inmate managed ta do what I couldn't, he killed the asshole."

"That caused sumthin' I never even thought of. It turns out the land that shitty little house, and later that shitty little trailer sat on was worth sumthin'. It was 10 acres of lakefront and there was a developer who was itchin' ta build on it." He shrugged, "I didn't want the place, it was nuthin' but bad memories ta me. I sold it all."

"That was a pretty tidy pay day and I musta had a rare moment a clarity. I didn't keep any of the money for myself. I figured I'd just blow it on dope. I felt like I owed Daryl and so I put it all in an account for him. I locked it down until he turned 18. It was just a few years later, soon after I got clean, I found out what he'd done with it all."

He actually smiled a little when he told her something he'd thought about so many times, "My little brother, he's different, he's the sweet one and a pretty clever one too. His foster Dad was an old machinist with a garage full a machinery. They spent a lotta time workin' in that garage on lathes and drill presses and it turned out Daryl had a natural feel for that stuff. As soon as he was old enough he took the money outta the bank and used it as down payment on a small business, a machine shop. What I didn't know til I'd been sober just over a year was that he put that business in both our names."

She smiled, "That's wonderful."

"It is wonderful, but how it was I finally got sober wasn't wonderful at all Darlin'." Once more he was on his feet pacing. He tried to make a joke about it, "I'ma wear a hole in your carpet."

She smiled and he could swear he felt his heart crack. She was so beautiful and sweet. He'd never been much for prayer, but in that moment he was praying to God that somehow she could come to terms with what he had to tell her next. He wasn't a 100% sure he'd come to terms with it.

"Anyway, I got sober at 27 and Daryl encouraged me ta get a machine shop job," He chuckled softly, "Hell I didn't know he owned one, I went ta work somewhere else." He still had a small smile when he added, "After I's sober a year that's when he told me everythin'. I was a business owner right along with him, and by then I even had some kind of job skill. Waitin' ta tell me was a good call on his part. He'd been through a couple a slip ups with me."

That's when she asked the million-dollar question, "So what made it happen? How did you get sober?"

This was the part that really had him scared. When she heard what they'd done, and he blamed himself completely, he was sure this sweet God-fearing woman would quit being so kind and accepting.

"This is an ugly side a life ya ain't ever seen Darlin' and I hate for ya ta even know about it, much less know it's how I lived, but how it was." He took in a deep breath, said another silent prayer and began, "I's about 25 and deep into it. I'd lost what little sense I once had, all I cared about was where my next fix was comin' from. I's crashin' in an abandoned warehouse out on old highway 9. There was a few of us. Maybe 15 or so. We weren't pals or nuthin', we were all just in the same kinda mess."

"Living like that ya ain't really livin'. You're just doin' dope, waitin' for your next fix, and waitin' ta die." He shrugged as if it was no big deal, but she knew better. "The place was filthy. A few old blankets and sleepin' bags, food wrappers, drug kits. It was all a big disgustin' and smelly mess. There were no workin' bathrooms or anythin' so ya can imagine what it musta been like. When you're that far gone though ya quit carin'. Like I say, nuthin' else matters, just the fix."

She was riveted by it all, horrified yes, but also fully absorbed in what he was saying. He was right, never had she seen anything like it, and she couldn't imagine anyone living that way and not caring. How could they not want something better? She'd hardly even taken a drink in her life and certainly never used any type of drug. She had no understanding of drug culture.

It was still weighing on her though, the way that he had lived as a boy. She keep thinking she shouldn't judge Merle, but she did judge his parents. She couldn't seem to help herself from that. Who has a child and then mistreats that child? It went far beyond anything she could grasp.

"Anyway, aw shit Darlin', I hate tellin' ya this and why the hell am I? Do ya really need ta know? Do ya really wanna know? It never shoulda happened but it did and it's…I don't know how things could get worse than this."

He wasn't really asking her those questions. He was just throwing them out there and not even looking her way or giving her the opportunity to answer. She could see that whatever was coming next he was struggling with it. He got up, went to the kitchen and he didn't just splash water on his face, he scooped up handfuls and drank it and then he'd cup a handful and rub it on the back of his neck.

She was about to tell him to just never mind, she'd heard enough. Besides, how bad must it be to be worse than attempted murder?

Then he began to speak again. "These places, it ain't just men ya know, there's women there too and they're just as bad off as the men, except…" And he paused. He knew he had to be careful about what he said. He was hyper-aware that Beth had been assaulted and he didn't want to upset her with talk of rape. The story he had to tell would upset her enough.

He took her hand and held it softly. He looked directly in her eyes as he brought it to his mouth where he let his lips rest on the back of it for just a moment and said, "I'm sorry Darlin'. So sorry. I'd change it all if I could, but it's done and I can't." He let go of her hand and began again, "The women on the street and in the crash pads they get, ya know, taken advantage of cuz they're weaker. There's plenty a unwanted sex stuff, and then there's usin' sex for drugs. None of it's right, none of it's a way folks ought ta be. But it's how it is."

"I can at least say for myself, although I done terrible stuff, I ain't ever forced a woman. Never. But I did participate in some stuff." He bit his lip so hard he was surprised it didn't draw blood, and told her, "There was a woman who started crashin' there. Pretty soon her and me, well we was crashin' together. We was also shootin' up together and every other damn thing together. It wasn't love Darlin', it wasn't some kind of anything. I barely knew her name. It was mostly about her needin' a man around so the other fellas left her alone, and me gettin' laid on the regular and havin' a partner ta steal and panhandle with."

She felt like she'd taken a knife to the heart and she realized she was jealous. She couldn't believe she was, how could she be? But it was there and she tried real hard to just swallow it down and keep listening.

"So that's how it was for her and me. We existed and we did dope. She was far enough gone that when she first got pregnant she didn't even realize it." Beth couldn't help it, she knew her face had to tell him she was stunned. He just swallowed hard while he kept talking, "When she started pukin' everyday we didn't think nuthin' of it, that's normal stuff for dopers. But when she started ta show we both knew what was goin' on. We knew there was a child. Even that didn't stop us. We was still gettin' loaded every chance we got."

He was up again. He reminded her of a caged animal and she thought at any minute he might just bolt. Then he plopped down next to her, sighed heavily and surprised her when he grabbed her and pulled her close. He kissed the top of her head and she could swear she felt the pounding of his heart. As upset as she was with this part of his story she felt more concerned for him than she did about her own feelings.

He let loose of her and his thumb and his forefinger pinched at his closed eyes. His voice was low, and emotion-filled when he said, "When the little fella was born he didn't last even a day. He never stood a chance and that was on me. I was the man, bigger, stronger. I shoulda stopped the dope as soon as we knew she was pregnant, and I shoulda made her stop. But I didn't." He swallowed hard, and although his voice was low, it had both an angry and sad tone to it when he said, "Reality came crashin' down on me real hard that day. I knew when I seen that little body I was the one that caused that. I was an even shittier excuse for a man than my own father was."

She was nearly as emotional as Merle, but he went on. "When I saw the proof a what we'd done, what happened, that's when I finally hit rock bottom. I told her I was done with drugs. I had ta clean up, she said she wasn't ready yet. I don't know how she's managin' these days or if she's even still with us."

His head was in his hands. He couldn't make himself look at the woman in the room.

She was overwhelmed and she had no idea what to do or say next. She found herself thinking he'd been right all along. He wasn't the man for her and she should tell him to go. She should try to forget she'd ever met Merle Dixon. The problem was he had something she wanted, needed really, and she wasn't even sure what that was.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. Merle's story. It's not pretty or easy, but I think realistic. Now we'll have to see Beth's reaction to it. Please leave a comment / review. I hope to see you all back next Wednesday for more of Open All Night. Until then remember, I love ya large and appreciate you greatly! xo gneebee


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much. I know the last chapter was rough and that I left you hanging, I'll try to make up for that this chapter.

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She saw it in his demeanor, the way his whole body seemed to have slumped. As difficult as it had been for her to listen to his story, she was aware it had been far harder for him to tell it.

It was as if there were a darkness in his face and he'd gone silent, lost somewhere deep in his thoughts. She didn't know what, if anything at all, she should say to him. She didn't even have a clear idea how she felt about the story he'd told.

She was confused and conflicted but fully aware that anger and disappointment were two very strong feelings she had. Still she kept asking herself if she really had the right to feel those things. He'd done nothing to her. Everything he'd done he'd done to himself, except for the baby.

He seemed genuinely remorseful and repentant, but that didn't allay the anger she felt. How could he and this woman have been so careless and so selfish with a human life?

She had a little shame herself, something she hated to admit. She was jealous of the woman who he'd "crashed" with. The woman who had the opportunity to have a child with Merle. She realized jealous thoughts and feelings made absolutely no sense. He told her what he'd been like then, how little awareness he had of anything except drugs and how to get more of them. What he'd had with the woman wasn't love, it wasn't even genuine like. But rational thinking aside, her feelings couldn't be denied.

She'd heard enough of his story to understand that at that lowest time in his life he was simply not capable of rational thinking. He was a hardcore drug addict. As such he was way too far gone to think about anything except getting the drugs his body craved. Once he had them in his system he no longer cared about anything because he no longer felt anything.

He stood and as if he'd been reading her angry thoughts said, "I should go now."

Beth wasn't sure what was wrong with her. Her logical mind said he was right, he should go. So why did she suggest something else? She didn't know but what happened, happened. She stood and laid a hand on his arm, "I think you probably shouldn't go anywhere. I know this was hard on you and I think you need to relax, gather your thoughts and maybe even lay down." She managed a small smile and said, "Merle, I know you well enough already to know you get the urge to run, but you have no business going anywhere in the frame of mind you're in right now."

He was stunned. How could she possibly mean it, he had to be sure, "You'd let me stay?"

She took in a breath and answered, "Don't misunderstand. I didn't like what I heard. It was awful and tragic and there was a lot of it that made me feel very angry. I'm angry with you right now. I think we both need to take some time to consider it all. I know we need to talk about it more and decide what we want to have happen next."

She looked in his eyes and it was neither a mean nor a loving look, she simply stated, "Before we do that or anything else I think we both need to be quiet and reflect."

She was feeling a little proud of herself. She'd been levelheaded. She'd let him know of her anger without raising her voice or accusing or belittling him. She felt confident what she'd said was pretty darn perfect.

If only she had followed through with all of those smart things she said.

He looked at her, unsure of what he wanted to do and what was best. Part of him was glad he'd told her everything, it was all out there now. A bigger part of him still wished he would have left out 90% of his story. Now they'd have to discuss it.

He was wrecked, confused and emotionally raw. He knew what the right thing to do was, especially before agreeing to stay there with her. He needed to call his sponsor before he made that decision or any other. But he managed to come up with a weak excuse, he told himself he shouldn't call his sponsor from her place.

So instead of making the call he held her face in his hands and said, "I promise I'm a better man than I was, but I know I ain't done workin' on it. I know I can be better yet, and I know I can do better. If ya give me a chance ta prove it, I'll never stop tryin' ta be a better man for you Beth."

She still saw herself as being in control of her emotions when she responded, "I appreciate you telling me that Merle but I think the person you need to do it for most is yourself. I believe you're a good man who messed up in a lot of terrible ways. But I also think there are some things you did even when you were such a mess that were good and selfless. Giving your entire inheritance to your brother jumps right out. That was an amazing thing to do."

"Nah, he proved he deserved it a lot more than I did and he's done me and him both a lotta good with that money."

"I'd like to meet him some time." He grasped onto her words and he felt some hope. Did she realize what she'd just said? If she wanted to meet Daryl did that mean she planned to keep him around? Merle didn't know and he was just a little too afraid to ask.

It seemed out of the blue to him when she calmly said, "I'm tired Merle. I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep but I know I need to rest." She looked in his eyes and asked, "Will you lay down with me?"

He was floored. It was the last thing he'd expected and he knew it was the wrong thing to do. She'd said it herself. They needed to take time and think about everything he'd told her and what it meant for them. Could they really make something good work between them? The thought came to him again, he should call his sponsor. But he didn't. He was pretty sure the man would tell him to get his ass home and let her think. But there was no way Merle could or would leave her. He needed her too much.

They lay there in her small bed and her back was to him, but they were so close they were sharing the same pillow. He'd dared to lay his arm around her and she hadn't objected. He took another gamble when he kissed her shoulder and again she made no objection. Then in a quiet voice she said. "I'm not without my faults and I'm not without my strange and sometimes wrong behaviors. I know I need to make some changes of my own, just like you do. Maybe, if we try, we can work together at being better."

She thought there was a good possibility she was completely crazy. Why would she take her chances with him? There were good men out there. There had to be. The problem was it was him she felt so drawn too, him she thought she needed, and him she wanted.

He wanted to tell her she was crazy, she shouldn't give him a chance. She shouldn't be so nice, she shouldn't even think about trying so hard to understand. She shouldn't consider trying to forgive something so unforgivable. But he didn't tell her that. He couldn't. He couldn't imagine saying goodbye to her. He felt such a powerful need to be close to her, to be the man in her life. The man she could lean on, the man who would be strong for her and never let anyone hurt her ever again.

He fully recognized his own selfish and ego-driven behavior, but since he didn't feel inclined to change it he'd just have to try and live with the guilt of it.

* * *

They woke sometime in the early morning hours that Sunday. They both felt raw to the bone, laid open, their secrets told. They were vulnerable, needing comfort, reassurance and acceptance. They needed each other and things happened that spoke volumes to that need. Things that probably should not have. At least not so soon. At least not until they'd talked more.

She rolled over in his arms and he let his fingers comb through those crazy blonde curls, and then it was like he forgot his own rule and he forgot himself. His open hand began to rub lightly and slowly over her slim body, along the curve of her waist and the rise of her hip. His lips moved to the warm delicate skin of her neck and throat, skimmed along her shoulder and as he kissed and licked that warm skin his hand continued to wander.

He knew what he should do. He should get his ass out of that bed and out of her place. He didn't. Instead he kissed her deeply, his tongue in her mouth and his hand rubbing her back, and then sliding down to grasp her round ass and pull her body closer to his. She didn't fight any of it, she seemed to welcome it and right or wrong he couldn't imagine stopping for any reason other than her telling him he had to.

They had no inclination to think about what they were doing and the implications. Instead they put all rational thought aside as they committed themselves completely to finding the comfort they sought in each other's arms.

His hand glided further down her body until he found the hem of her nightie. He slipped it inside the fabric where he felt the soft skin of her thigh. He took his time to lightly let the tips of his fingers tease at the skin until he felt the little goosebumps rise to the surface. She was softly moaning and her slim body was squirming just slightly, just enough. His strong fingers gently kneaded the backs of her thighs, and though he had the urge to let his hand move to her inner thighs, then skim along the outside or her panties to feel if they were wet, he held back. For the moment, but not for long.

She made a sound like an "mmm" as his hand traveled over the curve of her bottom. He smiled when he felt her panties, they were further proof of what he already knew, she was a good girl. They were the full coverage cotton variety and he'd bet a million bucks they were white. He found the thought surprisingly sexy.

Her whole body felt warm and tingly, her nipples were hard and she could feel the warm wetness between her legs. If she was in the mood to think about it she might be thinking what they were doing was the biggest mistake of her life, but she wasn't thinking. She didn't want to. She was enjoying the feel of his strong hands on her body, his warm lips and his scratchy scruff of facial hair rubbing on her skin. Later. She'd think later. For now she only focused on her need for him and the comfort that his touch brought.

It wasn't something he gave any thought to, it happened spontaneously when his arm wrapped around her waist and he pulled her body next to his. He held her like that, close and tight as he whispered a promise in her ear, "I'll be careful with ya. I'd never wanna hurt ya Darlin'. I'd never do anythin' ya didn't want me to. K?"

She surprised them both when she calmly whispered back, "I'm not made of glass Merle. I want to feel your desire. I'll let you know if anything goes too far."

His hand went down the back of her panties and his mouth covered her breast, right over the light cotton fabric of her nightie. The soft material didn't prevent him from sucking and biting at the nipple, and when she reached down in an effort to pull the nightie up he looked at her and smiled, "Nah Darlin', ya let me do that. I'll get to it."

That teasing way in which he made her wait made her want it even more. She felt the wetness between her legs increase and her squirming along with it. He didn't tease for long, he wanted to see those small breasts, feel them and taste them and it wasn't long before he'd lifted the nightie up and off.

He drew back enough to gaze on the body he'd only imagined and dreamed of, and it didn't disappoint. It was different for sure. In spite of what she'd said it did appear to be delicate, and she was so small and her skin so pale. The bones of her hips and ribs clearly visible. Her breasts were tiny which was not something he would typically find appealing, yet he found them irresistible. It wasn't but a moment and his mouth had engulfed one, while this time that big hand of his slipped inside the front of her panties.

She startled just a little and he responded by removing his hand, and she responded just as quickly by wrapping her fingers around his wrist, as she whispered, "Merle, I didn't want you to stop."

That was all he needed to hear, that strong hand slid back inside the cotton fabric as he pushed the gusset out of his way, pulling the panties down to her thighs, but not off. Not yet. He smiled when he saw the soft blonde curls and he pinched just a bit of that hair between his thumb and forefinger, giving it a firm but still gentle tug. She softly squealed and breathed out, "Merle…" just before he let his finger slide slowly and teasingly over her pussy. She moaned again as she tried to move closer to his teasing finger and he asked, "What? What do ya want Darlin'?"

"You know, please don't tease me," and yet again she surprised them both when she took his wrist and guided his hand to her, "Please…please…"

"Darlin' I'ma try ta always give ya whatever ya want," and as he said the words his finger eased into her. "You're hot n wet, I like that Darlin'. I'ma make ya happy ya let me stay, gonna make ya cum."

They were both feeling it. It wasn't just the desire or the thrill of this first time, it was the abandonment. The letting go of everything else, of all that life "out there" that neither of them wanted to face. They were just concentrating on and enjoying each other. That was all they wanted. A little time _not_ to think, to just to do something they'd both thought about for so long.

His finger moved inside her and his mouth was on her breast. The feel of her body squirming and wanting more of him was making him harder, but he wasn't giving into that just yet. He was a man on a mission, proving to her he could make her happy in at least one way.

He let a second finger slip inside and when she let out a little squeak, his lips went to her ear while his fingers pumped into her harder and the pad of his thumb rubbed on her clit. He whispered, "Don't ya try and pretend ya ain't likin' it. I know ya want this and more. You're ready Darlin', I know ya are. Ya cum for Merle now an then we'll have a little more fun."

The words he whispered fueled her desire, she was breathing hard and her body couldn't be still. It was as if it had a mind of its own as it sought more of him. She was grabbing at his undershirt trying to pull him closer. Her body suddenly seemed so stiff, and then it was like a huge shiver coursed through her. She was breathing hard, her body shaking when she nearly screamed his name, "Merle...uh...uh...Merle...oh my gawd."

"That's it Darlin'. It feels good, don't it?" He'd never been more happy to have a bed partner cum. Because that's all the others had been. Bed partners. She was so much more, so different. So much of everything he'd never expected to have.

He slid down between her legs and smiled up at her as he took her panties between his teeth, tugging at them. She began raising her hips to help them along when suddenly his mouth was between her legs and he buried his lips and his tongue inside her.

He was licking her and he let his tongue flick along her clit and then he looked up smiling again when he said, "Just like I thought it'd be Darlin', sweet and delicious."

She was still catching her breath and now she was getting aroused all over again. She tugged at his shirt as if trying to pull his tongue further inside of her while her body wiggled under him, enjoying this new sensation she breathed out, "Merle please. Take your clothes off too. I want to see your body."

He'd put it off, he was in no hurry to show her the proof of the life he'd lived, but it was what she wanted and after everything else he thought maybe they'd passed a point where the sight of the scars would bother her.

He grabbed at the back of it, pulled it up and over his head and tossed it aside. She saw the scars that crisscrossed his chest and the shock of that sight made her feel it so strongly, he was justified in wanting his father to pay for those scars.

Those thoughts soon disappeared though, what he was doing to her made her forget them.

He was down on her again and as she leaned forward slightly to run her hands over his back she felt them again. Scars. He was a man full of imperfections, but that didn't matter. She wanted him despite the scars, all of them, the ones that showed and the ones that didn't.

Again her mind seemed to clear as once more she abandoned all thoughts. She simply let herself enjoy the feel of his tongue inside her while his hand played with her breast. Again her body took over as her hips rose up and her head came off the pillow, she was watching as he did what he did. She heard herself begging him for more as her fingers grabbed at his curls and she tried to pull him in deeper.

He knew what she wanted but he wanted her to say it. "Whaddya want Darlin'? Ya gotta tell me."

Her voice was low and raspy when she pleaded, "Please Merle, please…"

"Please Merle what? Whaddya need Merle ta do?"

She knew he wanted to hear her say those words she'd never said before and she did, "Please Merle, please make me cum. Please."

Her whole body seemed to be in motion and he laid an arm across her thighs, trying to hold her still for just a moment, "I got ya Darlin'. All I ever wanna do is give ya what ya want." His tongue and his finger were both inside her. His tongue licking and sucking at her clit while his strong hand gently pushed just hard enough on her mound, increasing the intensity of it all.

She couldn't believe he made it happen, this feeling she'd never known with a man. She called out to him again as her head rose up off the pillow and her fingers pulled at his curls, "Merle, oh my gawd, oh Merle...I," She fell back on the pillow whispering out, "You make me feel so good."

He smiled as he licked her juices and whispered again, "Ya taste so damn good Darlin'."

He seemed to be gliding as he slid his body up hers and kissed her mouth. As she still fought to control her breathing he got up from the bed. She had a moment of panic, was that it? She had a worried tone when she asked, "Where are you going?"

He smiled over at her as he retrieved his pants from the back of the chair, "I ain't goin' nowhere, just gettin' a little protection."

She couldn't believe she hadn't even thought of it and she felt very grateful he had. He slipped back in bed and his expression and his voice took on a serious tone, "I want ya ta know I been tested. I still get tested every year just ta be sure. I'm clear Darlin'. I'm one a the lucky ones. No Aids, no Hep C, none a that."

Again she felt grateful, she hadn't even thought to worry. Then she forgot everything as he grabbed at the waistband of his shorts and pulled the underwear down and off. When she saw it she gasped and he smiled in response, "I hope that means ya think it looks like enough."

She couldn't believe she didn't feel embarrassed by the way he'd been talking and teasing her during these intimate times, but she wasn't. Everything he said to her seemed to excite her more, then he said, "Wrap your little hand around it, see how it feels."

She was turned on, curious and anxious to please him the way he had pleased her. She did just as he asked. He laid his hand over hers, guiding her as she stroked his cock. She felt it growing ever larger and harder and she was surprised how much that added to her own excitement.

His hand moved from hers and his finger slipped back inside her just as he took her breast in his mouth. Almost in unison they let out a moan and this time when her hips began to rise he rolled off her just enough to slip the condom on, "Here Darlin', why don't ya help me roll this on."

She'd already done so many things with him she'd never imagined herself doing with any man. Yet she found she enjoyed all of it more than she could have ever dreamed.

He was above her, propped on his knees between her legs. He smiled down at her and he seemed so big and so powerful, and along with the already rough and dangerous look he had there were the scars. With no intention to be, Merle was intimidating, almost frightening. It surprised her, just like so many things had surprised her that early Sunday morning, the fact that just the sight of him looming above her in that way made her nipples grow harder and the warmth and wetness between her legs spread.

He leaned in taking a quick suck and a small bite at her breast while he teased her with the tip of his cock, "Ya ready for Merle Darlin'? Ya gotta tell me ya want it or I ain't gonna do this."

She didn't hesitate, she took his wrist as she tried to move him into her and she told him what he wanted to hear, "I need you Merle, and I want you. I want all of you."

He smiled as he took it a little slow, a little carefully, easing himself into her. When she loudly yelped he didn't stop, he just asked, "Okay?"

"Yes, yes please don't stop."

He was aware she had no real experience and he was careful as he first began to move inside her. "Try movin' with me Darlin', it'll feel even better, you'll see." She did as he said and she smiled when it turned out he was right. It seemed that once again her body did as it wanted. Her legs wrapped around his hips, her hands grabbed at his shoulders and then slid down to his grasp his big muscled arms.

She was almost in a state of disbelief as he pumped into harder and harder. She and the man from the end of the counter, the man she'd only known for two short weeks were doing something she'd always thought was to be shared only by married couples. Yet she felt no shame or guilt as she matched him stroke for stroke.

She couldn't believe she felt it again, this need for release. His big strong body seemed to stiffen and in a low and guttural tone he told her, "C'mon now Darlin'. I want ya ta cum for me again, just like I'ma cum for you. Ya got me needin' it now."

Her hands clasped his ass and she held on tight as he rubbed his pelvic bone against her clit pushing into her hard and deep. It was so powerful she thought she might break, but it also felt so good and she felt herself letting go for a third time and when she did he let himself go with her. This time he called out to her, "Damn Darlin', fuck, ya feel so fuckin' good."

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...stuff happens. Please leave a comment / review and let me know what you think. I hope to see you all back next Wednesday as we find out what in the world happens next. I appreciate you all reading along and until Wednesday remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank so much everyone! Well, was it too much too soon? Did they bypass everything else and just hit the old sack? We'll see how that works out.

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As soon as he rolled off her the regret and guilt consumed him. He tried his best to sound matter of fact when he said, "Lemme just go take care a this Darlin', I'll be right back."

He disposed of the condom, washed up and then leaned his forehead against the bathroom mirror. "Fuck, what did I do…" he muttered. He knew he'd screwed up. He should never have let this happen. Shit.

They'd both been too needy, too weak. The difference was he was the one who knew all the tells, the signs. He should have done what he knew all along he was supposed to do, get the hell out. Call his sponsor, get to a meeting. He should NOT have had sex with a woman so young, so vulnerable and in need of reassurance. Fuck him.

He took a deep breath, he made a plan with himself. He'd go back in there, tell her how much he cared about her and that everything had been just wonderful, the best. Then he'd tell her he had to go. That he needed to meet a guy. It wouldn't be complete bullshit, he should meet his sponsor for coffee and talk about how badly he'd fucked up.

But damn, if what they'd done was so bad, why did it feel so good?

He knew why. Sex complicates things, it brings a whole new element into what was only the bare beginnings of a relationship between two people who were so broken.

He heard her just as he got to the bedroom door, she was crying. Fuck. There was nothing else to do but go to her, lay down next to her and take her in his arms. Yet it only made her crying harder and he tried to console her, "Darlin' I'm sorry. Did I hurt ya? I know we shoulda waited and I know it's my fault, but please don't cry. I can't stand ta think that I hurt ya."

Her back was to him but that didn't matter, he could see in his mind's eye what her sweet face must look like. Finally, she spoke, "You didn't do anything wrong Merle. It's me. I wanted to wait, I wanted it to be special, well I mean it was special but I wanted you to be in love with me. I wanted to hear you say those words and I wanted to be able to say them to you."

She grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and continued, "Instead of doing what was right and smart I gave in. The feelings were just so strong and I didn't even try to fight them. It just felt like I had to have that contact with you and I didn't do things right. There are so many ways we should have gotten close before we got close that way."

He was seldom at a loss for words but he was then. Everything she said about the way she felt and acted applied to him. And he knew better, so much better. But it was done, they were in this now and maybe he could figure it out. Or maybe they could figure it out. He did know that he cared, he couldn't quite believe how much he cared.

He combed his fingers through that crazy mess of blonde curls and he tried to keep his tone soft and soothing when he told her, "You and me Darlin'…if it's what ya want…we'll get this worked out. That's what I want. If ya don't know, if ya need time ta think about what ya want, I get that. I'll wait however long it takes."

Just as she had earlier, she rolled over in his arms, "I know what I want Merle, I want you. Like you said, we'll work the rest out. We just have to talk, we have to sort through things."

"That's right Darlin', that's what we're gonna do."

They lay there in each-other's arms and they just held on. They told themselves it was okay, everything was alright, they really would work it all out and life would be good. Everything was going to be just fine. They already cared so deeply, they'd shared everything. It was a strong relationship and they'd be strong.

Those were the things they were telling themselves when once again they fell asleep. And again when they woke, they made love.

He didn't call his sponsor like he'd told himself he would, and he didn't go to a meeting like he knew he needed to. He spent the day with her instead. Why not? With her in his life everything seemed easier, more comfortable. He didn't need to go to some damn meeting and listen to a bunch of dopers talk about the ugly parts of life. Not when he had this sweet woman to keep his mind off of real life.

She had so many questions for him but she didn't ask him those questions. She liked the way things were going. Why take a chance on upsetting her happiness? Everything was so warm and comfortable, so loving. Why risk conflict?

He had things he wanted to explain to her and things to tell her he felt shouldn't go unsaid. But why borrow trouble? Why take chances when everything was going so well? Only a fool would tempt fate like that.

Sure he knew better, he knew what he was doing so he did what he was so good at, he lied to himself. He told himself that today was special. Everything could wait until the next day. They'd talk then, they'd work it all out then. Then he dove head first into that comfortable and familiar place called denial.

* * *

That's how they managed the questions and the worries and the feelings that had nowhere to go, they kept it all buried.

He slacked off on meetings and he justified that. He was building a relationship with someone and he needed to be there with her and for her. He was sure she wouldn't want him going to a meeting every night right after work. What woman would? It wasn't like he asked her though. He didn't need to ask her, he was sure he already knew the answer.

The rule he'd made about her having to spend at least one night alone, a night when he wasn't there and she didn't end up at the diner, well they somehow forgot about that too. It didn't matter anymore anyway. He was with her now and she had nothing to be afraid of.

It was only a month after that first time when he moved her into his house. Everything was just easier that way.

Why not? They were both getting a lot more sleep and besides, people as crazy about each other as them ought to be living under the same roof. It only made sense. She didn't need to be paying rent on that little place when he had a nice house.

That's what he told her and that's what he told himself and it all sounded right. He cared for her and she cared for him and she was happy there at his place. She was never scared at night anymore, there was no reason to be. No one was ever going to come bother her, not with Merle around. She was safe.

In her heart she wished there was a bit more commitment involved. She told herself that would come, everything would be perfect.

She'd brought the decorative things from her place and now his place had fluffy pillows and candles, pictures in pretty frames, books and even bedsheets with flowers on them. She'd also taken over half his closet and it was now filled with dresses and fuzzy sweaters, pretty little tank tops and jeans, a pink bathrobe and fuzzy pink slippers.

He never imagined he'd like all that feminine shit around but with her he found it made him smile. He found he liked having the place look like a woman lived there, his woman. It had a much cozier and homey feel.

Two weeks after she moved he took her to the shop to have a look around and meet his brother. Even though there were other men also working there he didn't introduce her to them. They didn't need to be meeting her and talking to her.

She thought it strange that his brother seemed so much younger. Yes, there was the 10-year age difference but it was something more than just that. Daryl didn't seem to have all the hard edges Merle had, but she understood. He hadn't lived the kind of life Merle had.

Daryl shook her hand and smiled the smallest smile she'd ever seen, "Hey girl, nice ta meet ya. Merle said what a nice person ya are and I'm pleased ta know ya."

That was pretty much the extent of their conversation, then she and Merle had lunch out and he took her home before returning to work. She was thinking on the way there though, there was something about Daryl. It was a feeling so strong, the feeling that her and little brother would have a connection. Something was coming. It was so odd, it made no sense at all. She certainly didn't mention it to Merle, she kept the strange feeling to herself.

* * *

It wasn't long after she moved in that he said those words she'd longed to hear, "I love ya Darlin'. I think it started the first time I seen ya. I don't know why it took me so long ta tell ya. It's just, damn Beth, I never said that to a woman. I don't think I ever said it ta anyone except Daryl back when he was a real little guy. But it's true, I love ya and I always will. I know that."

What he said wasn't quite true, he'd said it to one other person. That little baby boy in the hospital, the one who didn't make it. He didn't ever talk about that though, it hurt too much to talk about that.

She cried those happy tears, the kind that just sort of fill up your eyes and then slide slowly down your cheek. And she told him, "I love you too Merle. I've known for a long time. I know it's silly, but I just didn't feel like I should tell you until you said it to me."

He laughed and he kissed her, he picked her up and twirled her around, and then he carried her to the bedroom and made love to her.

Around that time, back in those early days, they didn't quarrel, not ever. They didn't even disagree about anything. They didn't want to. It was too good, too special just how it was. If there was any unhappiness, anything they didn't like or feel was quite right, they stuffed those feelings down with the other thoughts and feelings they didn't discuss. They told themselves they'd talk about it all later. Whatever day it was and whatever time it was wasn't a good day or a good time to talk.

They most definitely never spoke again of what had happened to her that early morning at two a.m., and they never spoke of the things he'd told her about his druggie life. They did their best work ignoring the fact that those things were living right there with them, whether they spoke of them or not. Those feelings shared their home on Maple Street in Smithton, Georgia.

It was two months after she'd moved in he suggested she go ahead and quit school, "Ya oughta quit workin' too Darlin'. Ya don't need ta be worryin' about all that stuff. Ya know I'ma take care of ya. That's how it works. You just take care a me and I'll take care a you. It'll be just like you was my sweet little wife."

Perhaps her alarm should have rung but she was too busy being thrilled. Thrilled at the idea he might be getting ready to propose. She only questioned once, "Are sure Merle? Don't you think I should have something to fall back on? Some kind of education?"

He smiled, his hand was on her cheek and he had such a loving look in his eye when he answered, "Shit Beth, ya don't even know what ya wanna do. Why bother ta go ta school and just take up space? Might as well stay home and do what ya do so good, take care a your man." He took her in his arms and it felt so safe and warm and she did just what he suggested.

She didn't give a lot of thought to the fact she was giving up any sort of education, and she didn't think about how dependent on him she was becoming. Everywhere she went he took her, he dropped her off at church and waited for her. He took her to the market and he took her to the shops, he did everything.

She fell right into the lifestyle of being dependent on him. He liked the idea that she needed him and that she couldn't get along without him. It worked for them.

They were living an old-fashioned kind of life. Beth did all the "woman's work," the cooking and cleaning and waiting on him. He did the "man's work," the yard and the honey-do's" and taking care of the vehicle.

Every once in a while she'd start to think she was losing herself, maybe even getting a little isolated, but she stuffed that down with those other uncomfortable thoughts. She'd tell herself she was just being overly-sensitive and she'd put her arms around him, kiss him and say, "Thank you for taking such good care of me Merle."

He'd smile, pat her butt and tell her, "Darlin' takin' care a you is my favorite job."

* * *

She'd asked him several times to meet her parents and every time she did he had some excuse as to why he couldn't. Finally, after two months of living together he agreed, but his voice was stern when he told her. "Listen hear now. I already know your Daddy ain't gonna be happy ta have his baby girl screwin' around with an ol' boy like me. He ain't gonna approve. He's gonna take one look at me and know I got a past. Ya need ta accept that now Darlin'. You may have ta make a choice whether you stay with me or ya go runnin' back home ta Mama and Daddy."

He sounded so harsh and she was stunned, "Merle, why are you saying those things? My folks are good people, the best. They're not going to judge you."

"Yeah, we'll see about that."

He was almost disappointed at first, it seemed she was right. Well a little bit right anyway. The old man was probably putting on an act so his baby girl didn't start crying or whatever. Who knows whether they were thrilled to see their daughter with an older man who looked a little rough and worn. They didn't act concerned. And although maybe the age difference didn't bother them so much, he didn't fail to notice her Daddy had a good twenty years on her Mama, he was sure there was no way they really approved of him. How could they?

Then her Daddy asked him to come out to the barn, have a look at a piece of machinery with him. That's when her Daddy said to him, "Listen son, I'm trying to have an open mind here, but you're not exactly the kind of man Beth's mama and I had in mind for her. She's a good girl, a church-going girl and inexperienced in the ways of men. You look like you've been around. All I'm asking is that you be careful with her. Treat her well."

It was reasonable but that didn't matter. Merle took offense, yet he tried to sound like it was all no big deal. Still his point was loud and clear "Listen man, I know I ain't perfect but ya need ta know I plan ta take real good care a your girl. I damn sure ain't plannin' ta hurt her. Not like that asshole did." And there it was.

He never told her what had been said and her Daddy never told anyone either.

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A year in something happened that started a chain of events. It was like trigger had been pulled.

Beth was taking a bubble bath and she'd filled the tub a little too full. Some of the soapy water splashed over the side and onto the tile floor. When she stepped out she slipped, crashing half into the tub and half out.

She screamed and he came running in from the living room. He picked her up and wrapped the towel around her and carried her to their room. She had a lump on her forehead and big ugly red mark on her cheek bone. The other eye was already swelling shut and her lip was bleeding. It was killing him, she looked so small and hurt.

She cried and he did what he could. He got her ibuprofen and an ice-pack and he held her in his arms. But he could hardly stand to look at her. It brought all those old memories flooding back, the ones where his Mama's face was battered and bruised and her whole body hurt.

Still he managed, he took care of her.

After a couple of weeks she couldn't take being in the house anymore, she wanted to get out and do something, anything and he agreed, "Yeah some fresh air would probably be good for ya."

They started with what would be a short outing, a trip to the grocery. For her it was like a trip to Disneyland just to get out of the house. She pushed the cart and he walked close beside her, his arm across her shoulders. She still had the bruising and the swelling, but fainter now. She was healing and he was happy to see the hurt going away. Maybe he could quit thinking about those long ago days.

It happened in the parking lot. He'd helped her in the pickup and he was putting the groceries in the bed. The guy getting in the car next to him nudged Merle's shoulder and smiled knowingly when he said, "Sometimes ya just have ta slap em around a little and remind em who's boss, right? It straightens em up."

Merle's first instinct was to beat the shit out of the guy, but Beth was in the cab oblivious to what had been said, so he only muttered. "Ya oughta stay outta shit ya know nuthin' about. If she wasn't here I'd kill your ass right now."

It was a hard pill to swallow, shit now he knew for certain he looked like the type. A total and complete low-life asshole, a wife-beater. He'd never hit a woman, he'd always promised himself that no matter what happened he never would, especially not Beth. But now he faced reality, he had that Dixon look.

He felt a lot of guilt, he felt it all the time. He wasn't good enough for her. All anyone had to do was look at the pair of them and they'd know. He was a big mean-looking bastard and she was like a perfect angel. If he was half the man he'd like to be, he'd let her go.

* * *

Their act didn't start to crumble all at once, it went in bits and pieces.

He'd stopped going to meetings altogether. Maybe if she'd realized then how important those meetings were, how much they helped and how much he needed them, she might have been more encouraging about him attending. But her truth was she really did prefer that he be home with her.

Something else had changed though. They started to bicker and more. It wasn't those major things that are maybe worth having a big disagreement over. It was the little inconsequential things that people should just discuss for a minute, apologize for and be done with. It was the socks left on the bathroom floor, the favorite work shirt not washed. Somehow those little things turned into major battles that took on a life of their own, and always ended the same way. She'd start to cry.

Unlike the early days though he didn't try to comfort her when the crying started, instead he'd say things like, "Dammit Beth, why ya always gotta start that cryin' shit? If ya think that's gonna win an argument with me I got news for ya. It ain't gonna work no more. Ya use ta be able ta play me that way, but I'm over your shit."

He couldn't figure out what the fuck was wrong with him. He saw himself being an asshole and he just kept it up. He loved her, she was everything he ever wanted and so much more, and he knew he was doing everything a man can do to push a woman away. He just couldn't seem to help his behaviors. Oh somewhere deep inside he knew he had slipped hard without actually falling off the wagon, he just didn't do anything about it. He kept telling himself it'd all work out.

More than once she asked herself why she stayed, why did she let him treat her that way? But then he'd be sweet again and they'd make love again and she'd tell herself it was all going to be just fine, better than fine, great.

He started taking his bike out for a ride at night saying he had to get out of there, "clear his head." He didn't ask her to go with him, he'd leave her home alone, again. He was colder, less loving, and she began to turn away from him in bed, saying she wasn't in the mood.

He was bitter and she was bitter.

That wasn't the way either of them wanted it to be. They both longed for it to be the way it was. They still felt love for each other, but they also felt some deep-seated anger they didn't understand and didn't want to talk about.

* * *

His little brother came for dinner with them about once a week and at first it was something she always enjoyed. It was like a break from reality. Then, when she and Merle started to have their quarrels and such she was embarrassed that his brother saw things in their home were not perfect. She didn't want anyone to know things weren't perfect.

It happened one night, Daryl came for dinner but Merle didn't come home. She told his brother, "I don't know where he is, he didn't call. I'm sorry, dinner's ready though, we should eat."

He sat and ate a couple of bites and then he asked, "Do ya find yourself wonderin' what the hell is wrong with Merle?" Then he laughed and said, "Well I don't think anyone can tell ya that, not even Merle. But ya know, just cuz he's sufferin' through the dry drunks don't mean you gotta suffer too. You can learn how ta live better. It's harder now that he don't go ta meetins anymore, but that don't mean you can't go."

"Daryl, I don't need meetings. I'm not an addict."

"Maybe you're not but sumthin' made ya fall for one, didn't it? I been watchin' ya lose this battle now for just over a year. Maybe ya wanna give a different way a try. If ya do, I'll come by and get ya tomorrow mornin', there's a ten o'clock meetin'. I can be here at 9:45."

She almost said, "No," but she'd been so unhappy and she was desperate to fix everything between her and Merle. She said, "Yes."

That started it. Merle didn't know, but for the next few months she and Daryl went to a meeting together every Tuesday and every Thursday morning.

She began to see so clearly how those negative behaviors were not just Merle's, she had a responsibility in what had gone wrong too. She had a better understanding of why he did some of the things he did and why she reacted in the ways she did.

Things were different at home, not so much for him, but for her. She no longer reacted so quickly to the things he said and did, not the way she once had. It seemed to make him angrier, more frustrated and then it was like he'd settle down a bit. Be more loving.

He never questioned where little brother went, he thought the kid had a girlfriend he was slipping out to see and it made him smile. Daryl had always been a kind of loner and Merle was glad to think he was getting a little loving. And he wasn't slacking on the job. He came into work early and he stayed late to make up for his lost time.

Then one day it happened. It was like it dawned on him out of the blue. She'd been acting different for a while, and Daryl had been leaving work two days a week, for no apparent reason. He'd been acting different too.

So that day when Daryl left work Merle kept plugging away, he gave little brother about an hour. Then he told the secretary, Jacqui, he had a dental appointment he'd forgotten. He climbed in his truck and drove home.

He pulled up about a half block away from the house and he waited. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for, but he was sure something was about to happen. Something did.

His little brother's truck pulled up to the curb in front of his house. He watched as Daryl got out, walked to the passenger door and helped her down. Then he watched his brother walk his woman to Merle's front door. Then he watched his brother hug her and he watched her smile, then turn to open the door. Daryl was walking back toward the truck just as Merle jumped from his pickup and yelled, "Ya dirty little mutherfucker! I shoulda known!"

Daryl tried to get the words out, tell his brother what was going on. Beth tried to get the words out, "No Merle, no it's not what you think…" but there was no time for an explanation and no one who wanted to hear one.

Right there in front of the house on Maple Street in Smithton, Georgia, the Dixon brothers had a brawl of epic proportion. If the cops hadn't shown up they might have fought until they killed each other.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I decided to go so dark this fic but I promise there is some light coming. Promise. My next Merle / Beth story is going o be a musical comedy! jk Thank you for hanging in and reading along. I hope to see you all back next Wednesday for more of Open All Night, until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things have gotten rough for our pair, and Daryl too. This chapter we're going to see what becomes of what's left of Merle and Beth's relationship. We'll learn why Merle wound up in prison, and what happens when he gets out. Phew. Fasten your seat belt. xo

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The police did not arrest either of the Dixon brothers. They simply broke up the fight, gave them a serious talking to, and warned if they were called back again both brothers would go to jail.

The first few days after their fight the brothers simply ignored each other. They went about their work and their lives and they didn't speak. It didn't last though, they were family, with a history no one else could ever truly understand. And they'd been all each other had for so long.

They finally talked after work one night. Merle apologized for jumping his brother and accusing him of trying to take Beth from him. Daryl apologized for sneaking around with Beth. He admitted that even though it was innocent he should have talked to Merle. They shook on it and they did their best to put it behind them.

00

Everything seemed to have fallen apart and she knew the time had come.

She needed to leave him.

When she first met Merle she was trying so hard to get an adult life. The moment he walked in that life she walked into his arms, and she immediately abandoned the idea of being an independent, capable adult.

She didn't blame Merle though, she'd willingly chosen her path.

The many things that had gone so wrong, and the crumbling of their relationship, it wasn't all his fault. She shared equally in the blame. She should have acted like the adult she wanted to be. But it was so much easier, rather than to face her own demons, to simply turn her life over to Merle.

She gladly let him take care of her rather than face a night alone. Now here she was, almost 25 and she still had never managed to successfully live on her own.

The trouble was, even with all that logical thinking she couldn't bring herself to do it. She just couldn't leave him. Despite whatever else happened between them she loved Merle. She wanted to believe they could make it work, that they could salvage their relationship and fix it.

Love can make a heart so reckless.

* * *

Merle wanted the same as she did. He knew he'd screwed up. He hadn't taken care of the one thing in his life he valued most, her. He hadn't been the man to her that so long ago he promised both her and him he would be. He vowed he would make it right. He would be that man.

He was determined things would be different, he'd be different. They'd talk things out and they'd fix what had gone wrong and they'd be happy, truly happy. He'd go back to his meetings, and he agreed she could go to all the support meetings and groups she cared to.

Beth pushed down all the disappointments and hurt of the past two and a half years as she latched onto his words. She wanted to believe it could all happen just like he said.

She let him make love to her and it was like suddenly it was all good again, they were good again. Solid. Perfect.

Things went along pretty well those first few weeks. Merle and Beth both had a strong desire to make it work. They were thoughtful with each other. They went to their meetings. It wasn't just meetings though, they began to talk a little bit about those long ago hurts that still bothered them. They were determined the pain of those hurts would never again infiltrate their relationship and drive them apart.

Then Merle got a bad case of the flu and it kept him home from work and home from meetings. He was just starting to feel like himself again when she came down with it. Neither one had been to a meeting in a few weeks. They fell into that hole of sweet denial that told them it was alright, they'd done just fine without the meetings. Everything was going great and obviously they didn't need them.

* * *

What happened that night began a series of events that would change their lives, and Daryl's, forever. She'd finally got the courage to talk to him about something that had been on her mind ever since the day she moved in, "Merle…"

"Yeah Darlin'?"

"When I moved in with you I was hoping someday soon we'd make a bigger commitment. I thought we'd make wedding plans and future plans, you know, like having children."

She'd caught him by surprise but not without an answer. He had his own feelings about those things she wanted. There was a rough edge to his voice when he answered, "Ain't no reason ta change things Darlin', you're here, I'm here. We don't need a piece of paper ta prove we're in love, right?" He took a swallow of his sweet tea before dealing her the death blow, "And kids? I ain't ever gonna have another one. I had my chance and I fucked that up."

On those words his face went dark and he noisily slid his chair back from the table. His tone was harsh when he snarled, "Well thanks a lot, my dinner's ruined. I'ma go for a ride and clear my head."

Before she could protest the door had slammed shut behind him.

She cried, she thought how he had never asked about her feelings. She'd always wanted to be a mom and he'd just put a big "hell no" on her dreams. Then she realized, it wasn't just him not asking her, she should have told him right from the start what she wanted and expected. If she didn't tell him how was he to know?

* * *

Soon it all began to crumble again. He started going for those long rides after work several nights a week. She came to suspect they weren't just rides. He didn't smoke but when he came home his clothes stunk of cigarettes and booze and she was sure he was going to bars.

She didn't want trouble but her nerves and her anger were both on edge when one night after dinner he said, "I gotta get outta here. I'm goin' stir crazy. I'ma go for a ride."

"What about me Merle? Do you ever think maybe I go stir crazy? I'm here all the time while you come and go as you please. Maybe I need to get out and clear my head once in a while too."

He stared at her with eyes so cold, responding, "Maybe ya oughta quit lookin' ta me ta make ya happy. Go on and do what ya like. I don't give a fuck no more."

He stood and the look he gave her sent a chill right through her. He laughed but there was no humor in his laugh. "I'll tell ya what Sweetheart. Before I go I'll give ya sumthin' ta settle your ass down." His big hand wrapped around her upper arm and he led her toward their bedroom. He didn't have to pull hard though, she didn't fight or argue.

Her mind was already made up. She wasn't going to tell him no. She'd have this one last time with him, and hopefully by the time he got home she'd be gone.

There was no romance to it, no lovemaking to it. It wasn't about love. She could see the anger in his eyes when he pulled her pants down and then his own. He did what he did and she simply laid there and let him. When it was over he stood and turned the knife one last time, "Shit Darlin', you're cold as ice. I'm hafta find me a little sumthin' warmer."

He slammed the door, got on the bike and he felt the anger surge through him. He was furious with her and at himself. Then he tried to convince himself that what he'd done was her fault. Why did she always have to make him look at himself? Why did she have to make him see his flaws? In his mind he turned it all on her. She always acted like she was so perfect. She thought she was perfect. Everyone else did too. What man could live with that?

He'd been hanging onto sobriety by the slimmest thread. It was what they called white-knuckle sobriety, and just like he'd been doing, that night he hit the bars. He knew if he kept up these old behaviors it was only a matter of time and he'd slip. Then he'd convince himself no, no he had this. He was in control.

That night though, he did something he hadn't done in a very long time. He bought a bag of crystal and some oxy. He didn't use it that night though, he was proving his point. Dope didn't control him, he was in control of it. But he was going to keep it just in case.

He got home and she had the suitcase on their bed, packing up her things. His belly felt like he'd been stabbed and his heart was in his throat as reality hit. He'd finally done it, he pushed her hard enough to push her away.

He kept up his act though, the one where he pretended he didn't give a shit, "Goin' home ta Mama and Daddy where you'll be safe from the big, bad real world?"

She didn't bite on it, the fight in her was gone, "Something like that." She zipped the case shut, looked up at him without so much as a single tear in her eye, and said, "Goodbye Merle. I wish we could have worked."

He just stood there like the big fucking idiot he was and watched her go.

Her sister was parked out front, waiting for her. That's when she lost it, when she climbed in the car and her sister asked, "Are you okay Bethie?"

She wasn't okay at all.

He punched a hole in the bedroom wall and then he banged his head against it. Neither of those actions made him feel any better. He got back on the bike and this time he really did ride. He was out for hours, and when he was finally on his way back he started to think maybe she might have changed her mind. Maybe she'd be there waiting. He'd apologize and they'd make love and everything would be alright again.

He started to race the bike, he'd see just how much power that bad boy had as he hurried home to her. He was within a couple of miles when he lost it. He'd never be sure if it was an accident, if he was just distracted by his thoughts, or if it was something darker. If he'd done it on purpose. He just knew that he turned the handlebars enough to lose control of the bike. The big motorcycle slid and hit a bus bench, he hung onto the handlebars and slid right along with it.

He woke up to find himself handcuffed to a gurney in the ER. That's when he remembered he had that bag of crystal and some oxy in his inside jacket pocket. He always knew someday something like this would happen to him, today was the day. He was screwed and he didn't care, he had it coming.

He also didn't care to see anyone and that was one of the few prerogatives he had as a prisoner, he could refuse visitors. He signed the paper that said so. Only his public defender and his old sponsor got in.

It turned out his lawyer was somewhat understanding, he had a brother with a meth problem. He took a little pity on Merle, helping him out. The lawyer drew up the papers and Merle signed the document and with that signature he gave his brother power of attorney and control of everything he owned.

He asked the attorney to tell Daryl he could do whatever he wanted with the house, the truck, what was left of the bike. Everything. Take the money and consider it compensation for having a world class piece of shit for a brother.

He went to court and pleaded guilty to all charges, he had no will or reason to fight. He was sentenced and two months later he was transferred to the state pen. He did what he'd done at the county jail, he refused all visitors except his lawyer and his sponsor. He also refused all mail.

He felt strongly about it, he hadn't just poisoned his own life. He was painfully aware he'd poisoned his brother's life and Beth's life. Everyone who knew him and had ever given a rat's ass about him, he'd shit on them and any love they felt for him.

He started to go to as many meetings as the prison allowed. A lot of guys went just to get the hell out of their cell for an hour or two. He was there to try and get his head out of his ass.

He got a sponsor, a lifer with a crack problem. He went to the prison library and read up on guys like himself, he even read the bible. That wasn't all. He joined a therapy group they had for victims of abuse.

For the first time in his life he got honest, with himself and with others. When he finally told his story it was like a weight lifted off him. He knew he wasn't ever going to be "cured" but he was better and this time he'd stay better.

He had two regrets and they were enormous. He was sure he would never be able to fully put them to rest. They were the way he'd let his brother down, and the way he'd treated Beth. The only two people in the world he loved, and the only ones who had ever loved him. He'd gone way out of his way to prove to them, and to himself, he didn't deserve their love. He accepted that all the things that had happened to him were his own doing, and he accepted the responsibility. He'd screwed everything up. He was sure whatever love they'd once felt for him was long gone.

00

She didn't go to her parent's home. She couldn't bring herself to go back to where she'd been more than three years before, so she stayed with her sister a few days. What she really wanted was to find a place of her own. Any place would do. Her needs were small and her expectations even smaller. She just wanted to try again, she wanted to see if she really could live on her own.

She found a job as a receptionist at a small manufacturing company, and took a second job waiting tables on the weekends. She couldn't afford a real apartment, not right away. She rented a bedroom in the home of a nice couple her sister knew. She saved all she could and she kept herself as busy as she could. She went to meetings and she regularly visited with her folks and her sister, and she reconnected with old friends.

She did wake up at two a.m. several times those first few weeks, but she made herself stay in her room and stay in bed. She tried meditating and reading a book of inspirational quotes, and finally she went back to therapy to deal with what had happened to her. The biggest step she took in healing was when she came clean with her folks about what happened that night.

She let go of her secrets and she started to heal.

She'd read all the news, she'd seen it on a local news blog too, complete with a photo of the bike. She was amazed and grateful he survived. She cried, and she prayed for him and she hoped he would get the help he needed, and that the judge wouldn't be too harsh.

She still loved him, she was sure she always would. In spite of the things he'd done and said she was sure he loved her too.

At least she was sure until six weeks after she'd left him. That's when she realized the biggest change of her life was coming, and she had every intention of sharing the news with him. She went to the jail during visiting hours and she was told he was not seeing visitors. Not just not seeing visitors, but her name was on the list as a "never."

She was devastated. He'd hurt her in so many ways, it was one more blow.

It was about a month and half later that Daryl tracked her down. It was early on a Sunday morning, the "after church crowd" had yet to arrive and the diner was mostly empty.

He walked in like he knew she'd be there. It made her smile. Merle always did tell her his little brother could find anyone anywhere. He could even find the needle in the haystack.

He'd only come by to be friendly and to make sure she was doing alright. He sat at the counter, smiled at her and asked, "Hey Beth, how ya doin'?" The words were no sooner out of his mouth than he had a feeling he knew just how she was doing. She'd always been so slim but now there was a fullness to her and a slight roundness of her belly.

Her smile was wide when she said, "I'm doing okay, not great Daryl, but I'm managing."

"Yeah, I'm the same. Ya still goin' ta meetins?"

"Yes, and it helps." Then she laid her hand on her stomach, "But this is hard to face alone."

His lips were pursed as he nodded his head, then suggested, "How about I order some bacon and eggs, you tell me what time ya get off work, and I'll come back for ya? We'll go for a ride and do some catchin' up."

"That sounds wonderful." She laid her hand on his and said, "Thank you Daryl, you've always been so good to me."

He smiled that very small smile of his and said, "You deserve it Beth."

It was the beginning of a new way of life for Daryl and Beth.

He made his offer and she resisted at first, "I can't go back there Daryl."

"Beth, ya deserve ta have your own place. I got all legal rights to it now, and Merle ain't gonna be home for God knows how long. Ain't no reason you and that baby shouldn't have a nice place ta live."

After much discussion she agreed, it was the smart thing to do. She just didn't think she was ready to sleep in what had been "their" bed.

She made the guest room her own. Daryl painted it pink for her, and he helped her when she retrieved the small floral chair, along with her old quilt and pillows, that she'd stored at her folk's place. When all was done she stood back and smiled. The room looked and felt like hers.

Once she was settled Daryl talked to her about quitting her second job. "I guess I got no right ta tell ya what ta do, but I worry. It seems like too much. Workin' all week then standin' on your feet all weekend. It ain't good for ya right now. Anyway, think on it. Ya don't hafta pay rent, ya make enough ta feed yourself, so why take chances?"

She thought about what he said, she even asked her sponsor and her therapist. Then she agreed.

Daryl was a godsend. He'd show up and cut the grass, check on the vehicle and make sure everything was alright. He was never intrusive, he was helpful and he was kind and she always looked forward to him coming around.

When the time came to take Lamaze classes he and Maggie both took them. They shook hands and agreed, when labor started whoever got to the hospital first got to be the delivery room coach.

Her life was mostly good and she was mostly happy, except for the hole in her heart the loss of Merle left. She found herself worrying and wondering about him all the time, she wondered if that feeling would ever go away. She wondered if he ever thought about her, and she wondered if he ever thought about that last time they'd had sex and if he realized he didn't protect them. She wondered what he would think if he knew he was going to be a father. She thought about how much she loved him and she missed him.

00

His head was bowed as he heard the prison gate slam shut behind him. He stopped in his tracks and gave himself a kind of combination lecture and pep talk, "Ya gotta quit this stinkin' thinkin'. You're better now. You're good and you're gonna do good. You're gonna show yourself and the world that ya finally got your shit together. Someday, after ya been on the loose a while, you can go see little brother. Maybe he can forgive ya." He didn't mention Beth to himself, he was sure she never could.

He raised his head, squinting his eyes against the glare of the hot sun, and he saw him. Daryl. His legs were crossed at the ankle and he was leaning against his pickup truck. His brother didn't call out to him, he just lifted his chin up in acknowledgement. Like he picked his big brother up at prison every day.

Merle's steps were quick as he walked toward him, "Daryl, shit little brother ain't you the sight for sore eyes. Whaddya doin' here? How'd ya know I's gettin' out?"

"It's hotter'n fuck out here. Jump in the pickup and I'll tell ya on the way."

Merle started to walk that way, but he stopped. He had something to do first. He embraced his brother and said, "Shit man, I'm so glad you're here. I've missed ya kid." He didn't let go right away, he drew his head back just enough to look at Daryl and say, "I'm so damn sorry for all the ways I let ya down kid. I promise if it takes me the resta my life I'ma make it up to ya."

"Ya paid a big price for the things ya done Merle, and ya missed a big part a life. I ain't mad or even disappointed in ya. You're my brother, we're all we got. Right?"

They got in the truck and Daryl asked him, "So where am I takin' ya? They got ya lined out somewhere?"

Merle had the paper in his hand, "Yeah it's this here fleabag hotel. I got money for a week's rent and a line on a job at a car wash."

"Good. Sounds good brother."

"Oh bullshit, it don't sound good at all. But it sounds like sumthin' better'n prison or a crackhouse, don't it? Anyway, I'll be workin' and I'll keep an eye out for sumthin' better ta come along. I got a strong back, I should be able ta find sumthin' in construction maybe."

"Yeah, maybe so." Daryl wanted to offer him his old job back but he knew Merle needed this. He needed to prove he could be humble and start at the bottom building his new life. He'd wait and if later down the line it was all going good, he'd tell his brother he still owned half a business, a pickup and a home on Maple Street.

He did wonder if maybe he was wrong not to tell him right away. Maybe Merle had the right to know he still owned the house and a pickup truck. Not to mention his share of company profits Daryl had been putting away for him. Or about Beth. But little brother didn't think that was best, he knew Merle still had work to do. Besides, Daryl was enough of a Dixon not to give a shit what anyone else thought was right. He handled it his way.

"So how did ya find out brother, about today?"

"Well ya gave me your power of attorney Merle, and I'm your next a kin. I guess one a those is the reason your lawyer give me a call after the parole board granted your release. He said they'd set ya up with a place ta live and a job."

Merle wanted to ask if his little brother had seen Beth, but that wasn't fair. His mess wasn't Daryl's mess, not anymore. As for Beth, she deserved her happiness. She probably had a new man and the love, marriage and baby she always wanted. He hoped whatever was going on she was happy.

They pulled up in front of the crappy old hotel and it was all Daryl could do not to say, "Fuck this shit, c'mon. I got a place you can stay, a job for ya, whatever ya need." Instead he said, "Looks like paradise, huh?"

Despite the snide remark, Merle saw the concern on his brother's face. "Don't worry little brother, it ain't paradise but I'll get by. I've slept in far worse dives."

"A'ight. Oh hey, here. I got ya one a them prepaid phones at the WalMart. My number's the only one in there. Ya call me if ya need anythin'. I'll be by ta see ya regular too."

Merle smiled and said, "Thanks little brother, I appreciate that you're still willin' ta have anythin' ta do with me."

"Knock that shit off Merle, you're my brother. Now go get your room."

He unlocked the door to his room and it was everything he thought it would be, except maybe a little cleaner. He was glad about that. He sat on the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees, his face in his hands, and he took in a deep breath.

He was 38 years old now and he knew he looked older, prison had a way of hardening a man. And at 38 he was starting again. He thought that was okay, a life like he'd lived needed to be started again. He pressed open palms on his knees and pushed himself up. He had a job to see about.

00

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was emotional and exhausting, at least for me. Please leave a comment / review and let me know what you think. I hope to see you all back next week for the conclusion of Open All Night. Until then remember, I love ya large and appreciate you greatly! xo gneebee


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much. Merle's home from prison and our couple is estranged. Now what? This is a long chapter as we bring the story to it's conclusion. Grab a beer and shooter and let's do this.

00

The job, like the hotel room, turned out to be just what he thought it would be. He accepted that, it would be fine. It was a start. He'd be vacuuming other people cars, cleaning the windows inside and out, and wiping cars down until they sparkled. The pay sucked, minimum wage, but if you did a nice job there were tips to be made.

He meant it when he told the guy, "That all sounds real good. Whatever ya want me ta do I'll do. I need the job."

Merle did just what he'd been planning to do all along. He kept his nose clean, he worked hard, he saved every dime he could. He got a little cooler for his room and he bought bologna, bread, mustard and apples, cold cereal and a carton of milk, and he ate in.

He didn't have a vehicle, he couldn't afford that kind of luxury. He bought a bus pass and that was how he got himself to work and to meetings five nights a week, and on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Sunday afternoons his brother would come by and take him to dinner. Nowhere fancy, just a diner, some Mom and Pop shop. They ate the kind of food the Dixon brothers preferred. Chicken fried steak, potatoes and gravy.

Everything was good, just right. Except for the deep hole in his heart. He'd hoped it would start to mend with time. He thought eventually he'd heal, and he thought maybe he'd quit missing her so much. He thought he'd meet someone new. No one that could take her place. There was no woman who could take Beth's place, but he thought maybe just a woman to keep company with.

That wasn't going to work out though. Beth was the only woman he could ever see himself with. She was always on his mind and always in his heart.

Other than a heart that was never going to heal, things weren't going so bad. Life had succeeded in humbling Merle Dixon. He'd hit rock bottom, but he was also full of determination to get back on his feet. He got along on the job, his place wasn't great but it was clean, quiet, and cheap and he did what he knew he had to do.

* * *

He'd been back six months and he was getting a pretty good little stash of cash saved up. He thought maybe in another six months he'd have enough to buy a small car. Nothing much at first, just some kind of cheap little putt putt.

One night right after work he caught a meeting and afterward he decided what the hell. He splurged and had a hamburger dinner at a café down the block. Neither the meeting nor the café were far from his old house. He took a notion. It was a hot August night, why not go ahead and take a walk by the old place, see how it looked.

He turned off Elm and onto Maple and then he stopped for a minute and thought about it. Maybe he shouldn't, maybe he was torturing himself. Probably, but something had him going that way. He just wanted to have a look-see. Maybe he'd even get a peek at who was living there.

He found himself hoping it was a nice family. It was a great house for a family. Maple Street was quiet without much traffic and the house had a fenced backyard that was perfect for kids. Thinking about those things got him feeling melancholy.

There was a time not so long ago he could have had all that, but back then he didn't know he wanted it. Or maybe the truth was he was afraid of it. He saw that more clearly now. It didn't matter what the reason was though, not anymore. He was sure his chances of ever having a home and family were gone for good.

He shook those sad thoughts away, it was no good to dwell on the negative. What was done was done. He couldn't be thinking about all the "might have beens." There were way too many of them.

Then he spotted it coming around the corner, and he watched as little brother's pickup pulled up to the curb in front of his old place. Merle was sure he couldn't move if he had to and he sure as hell couldn't turn away. He was frozen in place as he watched the screen door fly open and a little blonde-haired boy with a head full of curls come running out. Then he saw Beth right behind the boy, a big smile on her face.

Daryl was out of the truck and the little fella went running right to him. His brother picked the child up in his arms, rubbed a hand playfully over the blonde curls, and the boy put his arms around Daryl's neck.

Beth's approach was slower as she walked toward little brother. He wrapped an arm across her shoulders, kissed her cheek and they all went in the house, Merle's old house, together.

He swallowed hard and he felt tears stinging at his eyes. Tears were something Merle Dixon didn't do. He was all man and he took things like a man. This was just a little too much for any man to take.

He turned and started walking away, back toward where the meeting had been held. There was another meeting in half an hour and he knew he'd better get to it. He needed to talk.

He shook his head and told himself he shouldn't be surprised by any of it. Beth and little brother were the good ones. Probably too good for this world. Likely when he'd gone to jail they turned to each other for comfort and like things do, one thing lead to another. Now here they were, a nice little family. Daddy, Mama and a curly headed boy.

He understood why Daryl never told him what was going on. He didn't blame him. Shit, the way he'd reacted that day when they almost killed each other in the street, why the hell would his brother say anything? Yeah, Daryl was smart. He was keeping his family and their life away from Merle.

He never wished so hard he could have been the one who was smart enough to marry her and give her the child she wanted.

He went to his meeting and he called his sponsor, and he caught the bus back to his hotel. He got out the spiral notebook and he wrote down how it all felt, he wrote about the crushing sadness of a heart that had been broken all over again. Surprisingly though, with all the feelings he was having, what he didn't feel was angry with his brother or with Beth. They'd done nothing wrong. They saw their chance for happiness and they were smart enough to take that chance. He just wished he'd been as smart as Daryl.

* * *

Little brother had no idea what his older brother knew and Merle made an effort to keep it that way. He didn't want anything to jeopardize his relationship with Daryl. They'd gotten closer than they'd ever been, and he didn't want to lose that closeness. Daryl was all he had.

When they had dinner on Sundays he treated Daryl like he always had. Merle never mentioned what he'd seen, but not because he didn't want to talk about it. He thought they should. He just didn't want to put his brother on the spot. He wanted Daryl to be the one to bring it up, whenever he was ready. Then they'd talk.

It was mid-morning on a Tuesday, the end of September and two months after he'd seen his brother with Beth and the curly haired little boy. There was an equipment failure at the car wash that morning. It was an electrical problem and they had to call a factory man out to fix it. The guy wouldn't be there until Wednesday. Everyone was sent home and told not to report back to work until Thursday.

He had damn near the whole day to kill and he thought, why not? The machine shop was only a mile or so from the car wash, on his way home he'd drop by and say hi to his brother. He hadn't seen the place in years.

He was walking up the back alley and was nearly there when he saw them. It was his brother, a wide smile on his face as he closely watched a real pretty dark-skinned woman write something on a little pad. After she did she showed him what she'd written and then she used sign language. Because of how intently Daryl was watching, Merle assumed she was showing him how to sign what she'd written on the paper. Sure enough little brother tried to imitate what she'd done. The exchange made Merle smile.

Merle's smile went away when his brother and the woman wrapped their arms around each other and kissed. Not a friendly peck on the cheek. It was the kind of kiss people in love share, and Merle was immediately flooded with emotions. He was furious that his brother was messing around on Beth, but he was also disappointed and confused. It didn't seem at all like something Daryl would do. But there it was.

Merle was also deeply hurt. He hurt for Beth and for the little blonde-haired boy. How could brother do them this way? And this woman, whoever she was, what about her?

He decided not to just turn and leave, but rather to nonchalantly walk over to them. "Hey little brother."

Daryl smiled and it was that big smile again. The kind of smile that had always come so rarely to little brother. He answered back, "Hey Merle, this is my lady, Connie." And then he signed to the woman.

The woman smiled at Merle, then signed to Daryl who translated, "She said she's real happy ta meet ya brother. I told her all about you."

Merle kept the smile plastered on his face when he looked at her and said, "The pleasure is mine. I'm happy ta know ya Connie."

Then he looked to his brother and said, "I don't wanna interrupt nuthin', but I do need ta have a quick word with ya."

Daryl was puzzled but simply shrugged and said, "Yeah, sure um, Connie was just goin' anyway. Lemme say g'bye. Hang on."

He and the woman communicated something to one another, he kissed her again, she smiled and waved goodbye to Merle and the brothers were alone.

"Why ain't ya workin'?" Daryl asked.

"Damn equipment meltdown. Factory's comin' ta fix it tomorrow so it's gonna be Thursday 'fore I'm back at it."

Little brother caught him by surprise when he nodded and said, "Ya been there what, about eight months now Merle? You're doin' real good and I'm proud of ya. But I think it's time ya went ta work someplace else."

"Oh yeah? What someplace else do ya know where they're hopin' ta hire an old ex con?"

"Right here. I want ya ta come back."

"I appreciate that, but before we go there I think we better have a little man ta man talk bout sumthin' else."

"What's that?"

"Beth."

One of Daryl's eyebrows raised, but other than that his expression didn't change much when he asked, "What about Beth?"

"A couple months back after I got out of a meetin', I decided ta take a little walk n check out my old place. I's surprised ta see she's apparently livin' in my old house. Then I seen my brother jumpin' outta his truck, and a little blonde-haired boy and Beth come runnin into his arms."

Merle rubbed a hand across his neck and continued, "I ain't mad, or at least I wasn't mad til right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm heartbroke over losin' Beth. I know it was my own fault, that makes it worse. I'll never get over what I done. I thought ta myself that the two of you were good together and I had no right ta be mad. I just want her ta be happy and you too, ya both deserve it. Then right now I seen ya kissin' on some other woman, and brother, I'm disappointed in ya and hurt for both them women and that child. What kinda game ya runnin' kid?"

What was most unbelievable to Daryl was how calm and reasonable his brother sounded. He didn't sound happy, but he also didn't lead with his fists, yell or cuss. He wanted to talk it out. Daryl looked at him and answered in the same calm manner, "It ain't a game brother. Beth is good people, she's a friend ta me and I'm one ta her. We ain't romantic though and that ain't my child. I let her move into your house cuz she needed some help. I figured you'd want her ta have it. As for anythin' else ya wanna know, I think ya need ta ask her. It ain't my story ta tell."

He dug in his pocket, pulled out his keys and said, "Take my pickup. It's about time the two of ya talked."

* * *

Merle thought he probably ought to go home and change out of his work clothes, but he didn't want to take the time to do that. Besides, it wasn't like he was calling on her and they were going out. She was liable to tell him to get his ass off the property before he was half way out of the truck.

He wouldn't blame her if she did, but he sure hoped she wouldn't.

He'd no sooner pulled up to the curb than he saw the screen door open and the small child start coming toward the pickup. He hopped out, started walking that way and the little blonde-haired boy stopped cold. Merle tried to look and sound non-threatening when he smiled and said, "Hey there little fella."

Beth was just a few steps behind the child, wide-eyed with her mouth agape. The little fella hadn't taken his eyes off Merle, and then he said just one word, "Daddy."

It was a meeting no one could have anticipated that morning.

Merle looked at Beth and he could see how nervous she was as she walked to the little boy. Her face was a bright shade of pink and her eyes were glistening when she took the child's hand and said, "Merle, this is Jamie, and yes Jamie, this is your Daddy."

Now it was Merle standing with his mouth hanging open. The question was in his eyes and on his lips. He wasn't just shocked, it was his heart too. It was so full and he wanted to grab her and the child up in his arms. That's just what the old Merle would have done. Acted quickly and without much thought.

The new Merle was very conscious of the little boy standing there, he was an innocent who needed to be treated carefully, protected from what are often the thoughtless ways of adults. He also hadn't missed the anxious look on Beth's face.

He was determined to let her take the lead in this conversation, he looked at her and waited for a cue of some kind. She smiled nervously and said, "Let's all go in the backyard. Jamie can play while we talk."

He simply smiled and answered, "Yeah, okay sounds nice."

She nodded, "Please, come on."

It was in the look they gave each other then, they reached a silent agreement. The child was the first consideration for both of them.

While they'd spoken so casually and made their silent agreement the little boy kept a hold of his Mama's hand. As they all turned to walk up the porch steps he said to Merle, "'C'mon Daddy."

This time it was Merle who stopped, daring to lay a hand on her shoulder, "Beth?"

She looked at him and he knew those tears were ready to spill. Her voice had a slight tremble when she told him, "His name is James Merle Dixon. He has your picture by his bed."

Merle was trying hard to process what she'd said. Was this all a dream? Then he saw a tear spill from her eye and roll slowly down her cheek. He had so much he wanted to ask, so much he wanted to say, but more than anything he wanted to hold her. There was that someone else there with them though, and he didn't want the little fella to see his Mama crying.

He took the small hand in his and smiled, "Hey Jamie, whaddya say we go on out ta the backyard and play? Maybe Mama will bring us a cool drink after while. Wanna?"

The little boy smiled and nodded, and Merle looked to her and spoke softly when he said, "Hey, I get it, it's a lot. Take your time, him n me are gonna stay busy."

He stood back while she walked in the front door, and looking down at Jamie he smiled, "always let ladies go first." She made a beeline down the hall toward the bathroom and the bedrooms and he wanted so much to follow her. He wanted to take her in his arms and promise it would all be different. But now was not the time for that. Now was the time for him to begin to get to know the little blonde-haired boy. His son.

As he walked in the living room he saw it wasn't much different, yet it felt so different. It was painted a soft blue color and the wall behind the sofa was covered with framed pictures of the little boy. In the corner of the room sat a wooden toybox with the name, "Jamie" painted on it. He wondered if Daryl built that for the boy. It looked like Daryl's work.

He glanced down the hall as he and the child made their way toward the backdoor and he wished he could check on her. All he could do was hope she was alright.

The kitchen made him smile, she'd painted the dark cabinets white and there were white cotton curtains in the window. She'd always talked about doing that and he'd always grumbled and said they were fine like they were. With him gone he supposed she finally felt free to do things her own way. She was right too, it looked a lot better.

He saw one of the chairs at the table had a booster seat in it. In his mind's eye he could see her and the boy sitting there together having a meal. Only Daddy was missing. He told himself to quit it, this wasn't about him feeling sorry for himself. This was about him acting like something mattered in this world besides just him and his ego.

He was about to open the backdoor when he thought to ask, "Hey son, ya got a ball? We could throw it to each other. I always did wish I could play catch with my Daddy."

Jamie nodded excitedly, answering, "Owside."

"Outside, alright then, let's me n you go play."

He guessed they'd been out there for 30 minutes or so when she joined them and said, "Okay you two, time for lunch." Merle could see her pretty eyes and her sweet nose were still a little red, but she smiled when she said, "I hope you like a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. It's the top menu item around here, Jamie's favorite."

"I do like it Beth, and that's mighty sweet of ya ta include me, but I can't be eatin' your food. Ya need that for you and the boy."

She lay her hand on his arm and told him, "You pay for our food Merle. Every month Daryl gives me half the money you would have earned if you were there working. At first I didn't think I should take it but he said, 'You have to Beth. I always planned to save it for Merle. If it wasn't for him giving me the money to begin with, I wouldn't have the business at all. Think of it has his child support payment.'"

Merle laughed but he felt those tears in his own eyes when he told her, "That kid, he always was the sweet one, and the brains a the family."

It was simply soup and a sandwich but there was so much more to it than that. He appreciated the privilege of having a meal with his son and the woman he'd loved since the first time he'd seen her. This was no time to be getting into anything serious though. This was about having lunch with his son. He ruffed the boy's curls and said, "Your Mama makes the best cheese sandwich of anyone, don't she?" The little boy smiled and nodded his head as he happily chewed away.

After the meal she said, "It's time for Jamie to wash up and lay down for a nap. Would you want to help me tuck him in?"

He was just about to answer but Jamie answered for him, "Say yes Daddy."

"Yes I do. I really do."

She had the boy in the extra bedroom, the one he'd always used to store his hunting and fishing things. He didn't know where those things were now and he didn't much care. This was so much better. He scanned it, taking in everything about the room.

The walls were a brighter blue than the rest of the house, with a white ceiling and white baseboards. There was a small bed covered in a quilt with images of race cars on it. There was a miniature table, one made just for little people with four tiny chairs and on the table were a coloring tablet and crayons.

A short two-shelf bookcase filled with children's books was against one wall, it gave him an instant image of Beth reading to the child every night before bed. There was a basket filled with stuffed animals and on the bedside table, next to the lamp, was a picture of Merle and Beth. It almost made him tear up. They looked so happy, but he remembered the day. Happy was only how they looked, not how they felt.

Merle tucked the quilt around the boy and the little fella smiled and said, "Kiss g'night." Merle turned to her as if asking permission and she smiled and nodded.

She kissed the little boy next and said, "You have a nice nap now. When you wake up we can play with your cars, okay?"

"Yes Mama." She shut the bedroom door behind them and Merle said, "Ya got that fixed up real nice Beth, the whole house looks real nice. But why didn't ya just use the guest room for Jamie?"

"The guest room is the room I use now. I didn't…I couldn't…well it seemed like a better idea for me to stay in there than in our old bedroom."

"Yeah." There was an almost pleading look in his eyes when he asked, "Now that Jamie's sleepin', can we talk Beth? Catch up? I got so many questions. I promise I'm different though. I'ma listen to ya, I ain't gonna yell or cuss. I ain't ever gonna do that to ya again."

00

_As soon as Daryl got the news he'd come to her. Merle was coming home. She hadn't seen him in over three years, and many times she'd wondered if she would ever see him again. Of course she would, she would have to tell him about Jamie._

_He'd been so firm about never wanting a child and she remembered how hard she prayed that he'd be happy. She hoped he'd find room in his heart for his son._

_What she hadn't even dared to hope or pray for was that somehow, what had happened between them could be "fixed." But then she was sure he didn't want that. He'd made a point of calling her out specifically as someone that was never to visit him._

_At the time Daryl reminded her he'd done the same with him. "Beth, that's just Merle. He's bullheaded. I can hear his mind workin', tellin' himself he fucked up and we're better off without him." He took her hand and held it before adding, "I think it's sumthin' else too though. I think he went in knowin' he had ta either get his shit together or call it a day. When I heard his early release was cuz of good behavior it made me laugh, but it also let me know. Merle's been walkin' the walk, workin' on hisself."_

_They agreed, they were going to let Merle prove to himself he could do it. When the time came she would let him know all about Jamie. He could decide if he wanted to be part of the boy's life. If he didn't want to be, well it wouldn't be something he hadn't told her long ago. He'd made his feelings about children very clear. She'd simply have to learn to accept it. When Jamie got older she'd think of some way to explain it to him._

_One thing Beth didn't allow herself to think was that he would have any desire to try and start over with her. She would always love him, but she was sure he was done with her. Besides, he'd been out a few months now and for all she knew he had a new love._

_When she heard the truck pull up she hoped everything was alright. Daryl wasn't supposed to come by until after work. He was going to watch Jamie while she went to a meeting. She followed her little boy out the door, and when she saw who climbed out of Daryl's truck her heart went straight to her throat and her stomach did a backflip._

_She told herself to pull it together, she had to. Especially when Jamie recognized his Daddy from the pictures. What surprised her was Merle's reaction. Of course he looked shocked, but he also looked emotional, as if he might have a tear in his eye._

00

They agreed to sit outside on the porch to talk. She went to the kitchen and began pouring them a glass of tea to take out. He told her, "Ya don't have ta wait on me Beth, but thanks."

She smiled when she answered, "Merle, I'm not waiting on you. You're here, we're going to talk, I'm a southern girl. Of course we're going to have a glass of sweet tea. Now please don't be so nervous."

He smiled back, "I wouldn't be nervous with anyone but you Beth. Last time we seen each other it was nasty. I was nasty. I've had a lotta time ta think about, and regret everythin' I said and done."

"It wasn't all you, I've had plenty of time to think myself. Come on, let's sit outside. The days have gotten so pleasant."

She told him all about the night she left and what happened after. The small bedroom she rented and the two jobs. Finding out she was pregnant, and Daryl finding her. "I wasn't sure I could come back to this house Merle. Not after everything that happened and how it happened, but Daryl was right. It was a good decision. Jamie has a nice home here, we've been very happy."

"It makes me happy knowin' that Beth. Ya always did deserve good things in life. I'm glad the boy brings ya happiness and that ya don't see him as a burden."

"A burden Merle? He's our child."

"That don't always mean folks welcome a kid, just cuz he's theirs." She knew what he was thinking about, but then he quickly smiled and added, "He seems like a real good boy."

"Most of the time he's a very good boy," She smiled and added, "but he is all boy and he has his share of naughty times."

He took his shot at it, "I'd like ta be a part of his life if you'd allow it. I promise I'd be on my best behavior. I could never hurt him."

"It never occurred to me you'd hurt him and that's what I want too. That's what I've wanted since I found out I was going to have a baby. I went to the jail to tell you."

"I appreciate that, I do. I had a lotta growin' up I needed ta do. I had a lotta gettin' honest ta do, a lot of gettin' my head on right. I still got my moments, but now I know what ta do about em."

He turned even more serious then, "I never wanted anythin' more than I wanted that pretty little blonde down at the end of the counter. Sippin' on her apple juice and lookin' so alone and scared. I couldn't believe it when ya let me walk ya up them stairs, then ya let me in. I didn't handle things right Beth, and I didn't treat you right. I knew we were movin' too fast and I knew I wasn't workin' my program. I ignored all that, and in time I ignored you. I know I turned mean. I hope someday ya can forgive me."

Her eyes were so blue with just a hint of a tear, but her voice was steady when she spoke, "I had a lot of straightening out to do on my head too. Don't take on all the guilt Merle, plenty of what went wrong was my fault. We share the blame. The only innocent one in all of this is Jamie." She let her hand rest on his arm when she said, "I forgave you and me both a long time ago."

It gave him the courage he needed to ask, "Ya think there's any chance, you and me…that we could ever try it again?"

He saw the bright pink color come up on her cheeks and it made him long for her, any kind of closeness with her. Damn he'd missed that look. She didn't hold back telling him, "I'd like that too, I would. But Merle, we'd have to be so careful. It really would have to be an entirely new beginning. We can't risk going back to what it became."

"I know, I'm with ya a 100%, and I know we gotta be especially careful around the boy." Then he laughed, "Shit, I's just thinkin' I'd ask ta take you and Jamie ta dinner tonight, but I ain't even got a car. All I can offer is ta take ya on the bus, or I s'pose we could walk."

"You still have your truck Merle. It's in the garage with all your hunting and fishing stuff. I will admit, it's the vehicle I usually drive. Our son prefers to ride in what he calls "the big twuck.'"

He smiled at that and replied, "Man, I remember I never would let ya drive it. I bet ya look cuter'n hell behind the wheel. Anyway, if that's what ya drive, and what Jamie likes, I sure ain't takin' it away from the two of ya. The bus is good enough for me."

"It's not fair for you to go without. I still have my old car and I can go back to that. You take the truck."

"I'll make ya an offer. I been savin' for a car. I got $700.00 right now. I'll give ya that for the car."

She laughed, "Do you really think the old thing is worth that much?"

"I got no idea, but damn I always had my sights set on a twenty-year-old Subaru with an oil leak."

He made her laugh again and she compromised, "Alright, you keep $200.00 for yourself, something might come up and you'll need it. We'll put the other $500.00 in Jamie's college fund."

That's how they started, they talked things out and they compromised.

They went on simple outings, mostly family stuff. Saturday matinees and fishing in the kiddie pond at the park. They went for walks in the woods and they went bowling, out for ice cream, and they stayed home watching movies and eating popcorn. Sometimes he'd grill burgers and they'd picnic in the backyard.

After Jamie went to bed they talked, a lot. Maybe even more important than the talking was they listened to each other and they heard. They paid attention.

They fit it all in around going to their meetings. That was the one thing they both knew better than to compromise on. And although they'd become more intimate than they'd ever been, they didn't get physically intimate. They didn't even come close to it.

It was that they didn't desire that with each other, they did, but they had an agreement. When and if that finally happened they wanted it to mean everything. They'd make the big commitment. First they had to be sure they were in it for the right reasons and for good. They couldn't take foolish risks, they had their son to consider.

Even though he was back working at the shop he still stayed in the little hotel room. It met his needs, it was where he ate his breakfast and where he slept. He was hardly there otherwise. He worked, he went to meetings and he spent every minute he could with Beth and their son.

It was six months after he'd driven up to the house in Daryl's pickup. He had the little box in his pocket and he was going to ask. He allowed himself the confidence to think she'd say "yes." They'd professed their love and they'd agreed on what they wanted their future to hold: A solid commitment based on love and respect. He knew Beth wanted it all, she wanted the ring and she wanted another child. He wanted to give her both of those things.

They were sitting on the back porch having a lemonade and watching Jamie run through the sprinkler. Merle stood, reached in his pocket and pulled out the little box. He wanted to do it right, but he also wanted to keep it simple. That's who they were. He got down on a knee, held out the open box and asked her, "Beth, would ya marry me?"

She kept it simple too, "Yes Merle."

A month later, in their backyard, with her family and his brother and Connie in attendance, Merle Dixon and Beth Greene made the big commitment.

* * *

Jamie was spending their wedding weekend with Beth's folks and Merle and Beth were staying home. For the first time in years they'd be sleeping together in the master bedroom. For the first time in what felt like forever they'd be sharing themselves with each other.

When the guests were gone they smiled at each other and he whispered, "Damn you're a beautiful woman Mrs. Dixon."

She put a hand on his cheek and answered, "Damn you're a handsome man Mister Dixon."

He took her in his arms, held her close and they were quiet. Then he whispered in her ear, calling her something he hadn't called her since before he went to prison, "Darlin, I love ya so much." He drew back cupping her face in his big hands, and smiled when he said, "I'm the happiest guy on earth Beth."

He took her hand and led her that way, "C'mon, let's make out on the couch like a couple a teenagers."

"That sounds like fun."

They sat, his arm slipped around her shoulders and his mouth was on hers. They really were like teenagers, kissing and sucking each other's necks while they teased at feeling one another's bodies over their clothes.

His hand gently moved along her tummy and her ribs until it reached her breast, and he could tell by the feel she wasn't wearing a bra. The idea appealed to him. He drew his lips away just enough to smile at her when he asked, "Did ya forget sumthin'?"

He didn't give her a chance to answer, his lips were back on hers and his tongue was in her mouth. His hands slowly moved to her back where he slid the zipper of her dress down, "Aha, now I see." He could feel it, and he could very clearly recall how sweet and sexy she looked in the little white undershirts she wore. That image of her appealed to him almost as much as the idea of her in nothing at all. It also gave him another layer to peel off before he got to what he called, the good stuff.

He slipped her dress off her shoulders and enjoyed the sight of his wife's small body. He looked in her eyes, unblinking while his hands clasped lightly onto her still-covered breasts. He was massaging them and teasing her nipples and she moaned, "Please Merle…"

It had been so long but that didn't mean he didn't remember everything about how good it was being with her. He'd spent many sleepless nights and had just as many cold morning showers thinking about everything he enjoyed about making love to Beth.

Now she was here and she was real, and he was getting the second chance he never dared to dream he'd have.

He slowly slid open hands inside the little t-shirt and slipped it off her, once again drawing back enough to take in the sight of her exposed breasts. He could tell by the flush of her skin she was embarrassed by his unabashed staring and appreciative grin, but his wife made no attempt to cover herself. She was letting him have his fun. Then she blew his mind.

She leaned back, resting her head on the sofa arm while she cupped her small breasts in her hands, and smiling at him she whispered, "Take me to bed and I'll let you have a taste."

"Oh I'ma have several tastes Darlin'," He smiled, stood and began to unbutton his shirt. Never taking his eyes off her.

She stunned him again. She stood, breasts naked and exposed, her dress still resting on her hips. She pushed his hands aside and said, "Let me do that for you." She loosened the rest of his buttons, put her hands inside the shirt and eased it off his shoulders. Then she rubbed her chest against his, while she teased a nipple with her tongue.

"That's it Darlin', you win." He scooped her up in his strong arms and she wrapped her arm around his neck, nuzzling her face into his warm skin while he carried her to their room.

Neither could quite believe it was really happening. It had been so long, and they had been ready and waiting for this moment for what felt like forever, but they didn't want to rush it. It was their "first time."

He was gentle as he stood her by their bed, her back to him. His arms slipped around her and played with her breasts while he kissed and licked the back of her neck. She leaned back into him softly moaning, "Please Merle."

He smiled when he answered her, "Whatever ya want Darlin'" as he finished unzipping the dress, slipped it over her hips and helped her step out of it. It wasn't just any dress, it was her wedding dress, and he carefully laid it over the bedroom chair.

The only article of clothing that remained were those high-waisted white cotton panties. He was so damn glad to see she still wore that style. He smiled broadly, picked her up again and lay her on their bed, stood over her and loosened his belt, then his pants and slid all over his hips and off.

He was naked and she saw he was getting hard. He reached big open hands between her legs, resting his palms against her thighs and gently nudging her legs apart His finger softly tickled at her pussy through the cotton fabric, and he never stopped looking in her eyes and smiling. It was such sweet torture and she could feel herself getting wetter, her nipples so hard and begging to be touched.

She let out a faint gasp when he moved his body between her legs and began nibbling at her, right through the crotch of those cotton panties. One hand teased at her nipple while his finger slid inside the elastic, and then inside her. She was squirming and moaning, and he was loving the feeling of her get wetter as she became more and more aroused.

He propped himself on his knees and said, "I gotta taste some a that sweetness." He pulled the panties off, but before casting them aside he brought them to his face, held them there and breathed in deeply, "Oh yeah, that's my Darlin'."

His bedroom talk had always made her a feel a little embarrassed, a little self-conscious, and a lot turned on.

It wasn't long before her legs were draped over his broad shoulders, her fingers tugging at his curls as she lost herself to him completely and happily. She was fully in the moment and fully in the bliss, and when his fingers pinched her nipple almost too hard, while his lips were sucking on her oh-so-sensitive clit, she could feel herself start to tremble.

Every part of her body felt hot, especially the part where his lips and tongue were licking, sucking and gently nibbling. She remembered him turning the AC on but still the room felt hot. Her breathing became more rapid and erratic, and she was sure there wasn't enough air in the room. She quivered and shook as her hips rose and her body stiffened, then let go completely while she cried out, "Oh Merle, oh my gawd, Merle."

He never stopped what he was doing, he'd been denied that sweetness for years and now he was determined to have his fill.

When her body seemed to go completely limp he started kissing his way from her pussy up and over her mound, over her pelvic bones, her tummy and her breasts until they were face to face, then he smiled, "Damn I been hungry for that Darlin'." His mouth was on hers and she could smell herself and taste herself and she started to feel aroused all over again.

She was done though. She felt weak and ready to rest. Then he began his teasing again as his hand slipped back between her legs. She marveled at how he could so quickly have her wanting more. She'd never been able to get enough of Merle.

His fingers knew just what to do as they played and teased, and in a raspy voice he told her, "Ya always get me goin' Beth, I can't wait ta get inside and make ya cum again." His words had her hips rising and as he slipped a finger inside her she felt herself searching for more as she tried to rub against any part of him.

He wanted to see her satisfied, but he wasn't rushing to end this moment. His mouth traveled along her body sucking, licking and kissing the soft white skin of her neck, her shoulders, her collarbones and her breasts, while his fingers kept up their teasing inside her and the pad of his thumb rubbed her swollen clit. "Merle, you…oh my gawd you make me feel so good. Please, I want you so much."

He he burrowed his face into of slope of her neck as he whispered, "I've waited so long ta have this with ya again Beth. You're all I've ever wanted."

His body seemed to glide down hers until once again his mouth found that little bump, and for just another minute he licked and sucked at it. He moved back up her body, and just as before his mouth lead the way. When they were eye to eye he smiled as he guided himself into her and said, "Darlin', I'm all yours."

Her voice was breathless as she answered, "And I'm all yours, always." He was taking it slow as they got back into that old familiar groove, reveling in the steady motion of her hips matching his strokes. His hand and his mouth were busy on her neck and breast, while her legs wrapped around his hips and she clasped tightly onto his ass.

As their hunger rose his strokes became faster and deeper. His hand was between their bodies and his fingers had again found that sensitive nub. Her legs wrapped around him more tightly, as if she was trying to pull him in deeper, and her hands now clasped his face as her fingers wove in his curls.

They were both on the edge of ecstasy when he hoarsely whispered her name, "Beth, Beth you're…damn Darlin' you're so damn good."

She responded the only way she could, moving her body more rapidly while she moaned and pleaded with him, "Please Merle, please, I need…please…". He was so hard and he thrust himself so deeply into her, as he bit softly at her nipple his finger rubbed faster and with more pressure on the little bump. She squealed "Yes, Merle, yes…" and he felt her losing herself to it, and he let himself go there with her.

As they collapsed back onto the bed he pulled her to him, "I love ya Mrs. Dixon."

She answered back, "And I love you Mister Dixon."

00

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going out on a limb here saying, they lived happily ever after. Thank you all so much, please leave a comment / review. I appreciate you reading along and I hope to be back soon with more Merle and Beth. Until then remember, I love ya large! xo

**Author's Note:**

> There's our start. I hope you enjoyed it and that you'll leave a comment / review. I hope to see you all back next Wednesday for more of Open All Night. Until then, Happy Valentine's Day! And remember, I love ya large and appreciate you very much, xo gneebee


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